The Rises and Falls of Your Breaths
by CrzA
Summary: It all starts with a summer storm... Izuku and Shouto are together through thick and thin, through the happiness and the sadness, through everything life might throw their way. It might not always be as easy as they would like it to be, but that's just how relationships go, and theirs is no exception. TodoDeku Week 2018
1. Shivers

The first roll of thunder reverberates somewhere in the distance, sending vibrations all throughout _Heights Alliance_. The windows rumble with the powerful noise and Shouto notices how some of his classmates flinch with it, others adjusting the volume of their headphones to drown out the storm brewing. Rather than react to the pouring rain and flashes of lightning themselves, Shouto stares at the entrance to the dorms, watching it intently as his body tenses slightly.

He'd warned Izuku that it was supposed to rain that afternoon, that it was already a miracle they'd managed to get to the dorms without getting soaked, but still, he insisted on leaving to train with All Might. No matter how much Shouto tried to convince him to tell his mentor that they could train another day, Izuku kept saying he couldn't afford to slack off just because the weather wasn't as nice as he had hoped it would be.

 _"Besides, a little bit of rain won't kill me, Shouto. Relax, it'll be fine, I bet it'll just be a drizzle."_

 _Some drizzle._ Shouto frowns, unable to focus on his notes any longer. Closing his notebook, he places it gently on the table, a cold feeling settling in his stomach when another roar of thunder echoes through the room, the ground trembling slightly beneath his feet. The rain drums loudly against the glass panes, heavy and unforgiving. Even though summer is supposed to be right around the corner, he can almost feel the icy chill on his own skin, imagining Izuku underneath it all with nothing but a thin t-shirt on his back and some shorts that barely reach the top of his knees.

Just as he's getting up from his seat, ready to go find his boyfriend and drag him back, throw him over his shoulder if he has to, the door slams open and the sound of wet shoes squeaking on the tiled floor rings in his ears. Shouto might have been embarrassed to admit that he knew that sound belonged to a pair of worn red trainers, but at that point all he could think of was getting to Izuku.

He doesn't have time to even get past the common room's threshold before he sees Izuku walking in, a sheepish grin plastered on his too pale face as he hugs himself. Shouto can't help the deep scowl as he takes in the other's state. He is soaked to the skin, even his wild locks sticking tightly to his head, his teeth chattering almost as violently as he's shaking. His already thin clothes are glued to him like a second skin, utterly drenched and doing nothing at all to keep him warm, quite the contrary, honestly.

Without thinking, Shouto pulls his hoodie off over his head – a silly thing with cat ears that Izuku bought for him some time the last month – and shoves it onto him before he has even the chance to say "Hey, Shou-"

"Don't 'Hey' me. What did I tell you?"

"That it was going to rain?"

Shouto gives him a deadpan stare. "That was rhetorical."

"I know, I like seeing the look on your face."

Izuku grins at him and he simply pulls the cat-eared hood down and tugs, earning himself a giggle from the other that warms his chest in a way that never fails to pull the corners of his mouth up. Which may or may not be one of the reasons Shouto covered Izuku's face in the first place.

When his laughter gets cut off by a loud sneeze and the series of sniffles that follow, Shouto's smile dissolves and he takes him by the elbow, tugging him along as he makes a bee-line for the elevators. Izuku pulls the hood up, eying Shouto with a lopsided smirk before shaking himself free. Shouto is about to protest when Izuku wraps his arms around his left one, snuggling into his shoulder and dampening his undershirt with his wet hair. Letting out a heavy sigh, Shouto raises the temperature of his left side just a little, leaning into Izuku during the short lift to the first floor. He continues to walk once the elevator doors slide open with a 'ding', Izuku glued to his side and following obediently, enjoying the gentle warmth radiating off of him.

Once in Izuku's room, Shouto tries to peel himself off of his boyfriend, only to have him cling tighter, whining lowly into his arm.

"Don't let go… you're so warm, Shouto…"

"I'm hardly doing anything at all... You're freezing, Izuku. You need to get off those wet clothes and take a warm shower."

Izuku pouts at him, looking much too adorable for someone who's closer to a wet cat than a human at this point. Ruffling his hair, Shouto rolls his eyes with mock exasperation, looking away in a futile effort to hide the soft blush he feels coming. Reluctantly, Izuku finally backs away from him, getting some clean clothes that Shouto immediately gets off his hands, not wanting _those_ to get wet as well, while his boyfriend takes a towel and his shower caddy with a snort.

"Are you actually coming with me?" Izuku asks when Shouto follows him to the communal showers, mirth heavy in his tone.

"For some reason I don't trust you to get there without hurting yourself first." As if on cue, Izuku slips, his wet socks making for a really good pair of skates as he skids and loses his balance while climbing one of the steps. Shouto holds him close to his body with one arm before he has any actual chance of falling. "Case in point."

The blush that crawls over Izuku's cheeks is absolutely mesmerising, despite it being a common occurrence. Shouto never gets tired of looking at those freckles in a background of pink, as if a particularly surreal sunset has been painted on his boyfriend's face, in which he can somehow see the stars among the rosy hues of the daylit sky. Izuku looks away, sputtering as he gathers himself.

"I can take care of myself."

Shouto's eyes fix on the hand Izuku has firmly placed against the wall for added support, a teasing smile ghosting past his lips. "Clearly."

A small laugh crawls out of Shouto's throat when Izuku's towel hits his face and he hears the splish-splash of his socks on the tiled floors as he stomps towards the showers. A little yelp sounds from him just as Shouto removes the obstruction to his field of vision, catching him almost slipping again.

"This proves nothing!" The accusing finger Izuku points in Shouto's general direction does nothing to stop his tiny chuckles.

 _He's adorable._

With a shake of his head, Shouto follows after him, finding his soaked clothes in an untidy pile on a corner of the locker room, something he's grown accustomed to seeing. For all the tidy notes he has on heroes, Izuku really has a hard time organising the rest of his life, if the state of his room is any indication. Scattered clothes, misplaced papers and an absolutely atrocious mess on his desk are just a few of the signs Shouto ticked off as 'human disaster' requirements. To be fair he wasn't that far off from being one himself. Well, really, he _is_ one too, but maybe that's just one of the many reasons they work well together. They can be disasters together, two negatives cancel each other out to make a positive, right? That's how it works…

Shouto hangs the towel over the rail of Izuku's cubicle, sitting down to wait for him to be done while he scrolls through his phone.

"Shouto…" Looking up from the silly little mobile game Izuku had downloaded onto his phone to play with, Shouto is met with bright green eyes and a raised eyebrow. "You're kind of still holding my underwear. I think I may need that."

With a low hum, Shouto gets up from his seat, handing Izuku his clothes as he gets closer. The other cranes his neck a little, Shouto having gotten even more of a height advantage on him the past in their time together even if Izuku did get a little taller himself.

Izuku blinks at him when Shouto brings his left hand to his damp hair. It's still wet really, little droplets rolling onto his neck and down his naked chest and back. The temperature of his fingers rises steadily, from warm to hot but not enough to burn, slowly drying Izuku's wild locks as he runs his hand through them. Shouto likes the way his boyfriend's eyelids flutter closed and leans into his touch, comfortable with the way it feels, with their proximity even though they should have probably been embarrassed by Izuku's state of undress. And yet, they've found this comfort between them, where the warmth they share feels natural, where Shouto is no longer self-conscious asking for affection and oftentimes doesn't need to do so to begin with.

"You don't really have to do that… It'll dry on its own…" Izuku whispers softly, making no move to pull away regardless.

The small smile that dances on Shouto's lips feels right, and he wouldn't have tried to stop it if he thought he could. "I know, I wanted to. Don't want you catching a cold right at the beginning of summer."

A drawn-out hum is the only answer he gets in reply as Izuku wraps his arms around Shouto's waist, the clothes held against his back, and lets his face fall to his shoulder, nuzzling his neck on the left side. Shouto keeps carding his heated fingers through Izuku's hair, drawing out the moisture with each gentle stroke and brushing out the knots in the process.

"Feels nice."

"Good…" A gentle kiss to the top of those forest green curls punctuates the breathed word before he pulls away. "Get dressed."

"Only if I get more of that afterwards." Izuku pauses, then smirks and pokes Shouto's side. "Unless you'd prefer me not to get dressed."

With another exaggerated roll of his eyes, Shouto shoves him, moving towards the exist with a promise that he'll be waiting outside and grabbing Izuku's discarded clothes on the way. He dries them off a little while he waits, not wanting to add more puddles to the halls than he'd already made on their walk there.

Slowly, they make their way back to Izuku's room side-by-side, finding Iida waiting outside with Shouto's forgotten notebook. With a quick thank you to the dutiful class president, they duck into the dorm, waving their friend goodbye.

Izuku is the first to drop face-first onto the bed, huffing with the exhaustion from the training finally catching up to him. The bed sinks under Shouto's weight when he sits beside him, running his fingers through Izuku's locks, making good on his unspoken promise – Izuku did ask for it, and Shouto's nothing if not a pleaser –, earning himself a delighted little noise. His chest flutters at the sound, prompting him to do it again and then another time, relishing in the wonderful sighs.

"You like doing that or something?"

Lifting his head to look up into Shouto's eyes, Izuku finally speaks, his own twinkling with satisfaction and something Shouto can only ever peg as admiration. Every single time, a light flush crawls its way up to his cheeks and Shouto averts his gaze in a poor attempt to mask it.

"Or something…"

"Can we cuddle? I want to cuddle."

Rather than actually answering him, Shouto climbs further onto the bed, lying down on his side and next to Izuku who doesn't waste a single second to crawl into his arms, their legs tangling in each other's as they find a comfortable position to settle in. They stare into each other's eyes for the longest time, their breaths mingling as they face each other and draw closer, and closer. Izuku is the one to close the distance entirely, always the one to jump that extra distance. Perhaps that is just the nature of their relationship, Shouto constantly holding back while the other just takes his hand and pulls him along with him.

The kiss they share is nothing special, really, just a short and chaste thing, but soft and oh so gentle. It sends a tiny shiver down Shouto's spine, no matter how fleeting the feeling of Izuku's lips on his may be, always electrifying, filling his veins with an energy he never knew he could feel before and couldn't get enough of now. He always feels a tad disappointed whenever they pull apart and this time is no exception, but it's worth it to be able to see the shaky smile on his boyfriend's face as he lays his head on his right arm, the soft blush dusted over his cheeks. The minutes tick by as they just enjoy each other's warmth, Shouto still gently playing with Izuku's hair while the other simply lets his eyes drift closed and his breaths steady.

He falls asleep rather quickly, as he usually does on days like these, and Shouto never really has the heart to wake him up. There's no discernible reason for him to do it anyway, not when he looks this peaceful, chest rising and falling steadily, with an unfaltering rhythm that plays to the beat of his heart. Izuku's fingers will sometimes twitch, curl around the fabric of his shirt for little more than a second before relaxing once again, and Shouto winds his arms tighter around him, pulling him closer, feeling his gentle heat seep into the cold in his veins.

Izuku has always been warm, Shouto thinks, not just his body but everything about him. The way he speaks, the way he smiles, the way he cares… All of him is warmth and Shouto's quirk may reach scorching temperatures but none of it compares to how warm Izuku is. He still finds himself wondering what he's done to deserve to be enveloped in such a gentle embrace, to feel this comfortable with someone else's presence. That question remains to be answered and it hangs in the dark corners of his subconscious as he feels his own eyelids getting heavier.

Fleetingly, he reasons there's nothing wrong with letting them close for just a little while, letting the blanket of sleep drape over him.


	2. Embers

**Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks and self hatred**

Darkness. It's so dark and he can't see. It's cold and yet he feels like he's burning from the inside out, his skin blistering without any real sores, his insides on _fire_. It hurts. So long, it's been so long since he last let his fire burn and now it's taking revenge, eating away at him, _consuming_. _Rage_ , so blinding, everything is dark and he can't see.

A light flickers, tiny and shy, a small flame cupped by scarred hands and he reaches for it, for _him_. He wants to touch it, to nurture it, to help it grow and not let it die, but it seems that no matter how much he stretches his arm, it's always just a little out of reach. And yet it still burns him, deep inside, making it hard to breathe. Words are choked, strangled, too quiet for his ears or anyone else's. It feels like he's suffocating with the smoke that's burning his vision and his chest.

 _"It's your power, isn't it?" Isn't it…_

The world explodes in a ball of light and Shouto thinks he sees greens swirling among the bright oranges and yellows, among the fiery blues and suddenly he feels warm. _So warm…_ Everything seems new, bright and colourful, so beautiful, and for once he wants to just stop and bask in it, to feel the fire licking at his skin without burning, ice melting down his face and dripping down his chin.

And then the fire dies and he's scorching with pain, his face ignited with no flame, drowning with the boiling water that burns down his throat and singes his lungs. _It hurts, it burns… I'm melting…_

His flesh chars and sears, it _dies_ and it _scars_. Pain, _so much pain_. He tries to swim up but there's no way out, everything surrounding him, vapours and sweltering heat. His name sounds muffled to his ears, it forces its way into him and scratches, _claws_ and all he wants is for the water to stop burning him.

 _"Fight fire with fire, Shouto."_

 _"Shouto."_

 _"Let your fire burn, Shouto."_

 _"Shouto…"_

Everything burns and the light flickers once more, his hand coming alive with little orange flames.

 _"Shouto…"_

 _"Let it burn."_

 _Burn. Burn. Burn. **Burn. Burn! BURN!**_

Someone's hands are grabbing him, someone's trying to shake him and Shouto's left arm ignites as he pushes them away, reality crashing into him as soon as a pained cry reaches his ears and his eyes focus on what's in front of him. Artificial light floods his vision and he has to blink to adjust, his thoughts a thoroughly scrambled mess he can't make any sense of. His heart feels like it's trying to beat right out of his chest and his whole body is trembling violently in a way that makes him feel somewhat sick. His arm is still tingling as the embers die slowly, the sense of alarm remaining but the imminent threat ebbing away into nothingness.

And just as the dust settles and Shouto's mind clears, he sees Izuku on the floor and jumps to his side his hands shaking as he tries to reach for him, a question of what's wrong on the tip of his tongue that turns to ash as he takes in the other's state. Izuku is curled up, hugging his right arm to his chest as he groans lowly, _in pain_. Shouto notices the angry red of his skin beneath his fingers and all he can think of is how much he was burning in his dream, how much it hurt and how he felt his skin tug with stiffness as it scarred over. He remembers how everything in him wanted to burn, how the fire inside him tried to scorch its way out of him.

 _I did this… Oh god, I did this…_

"I…"

A sob breaks through him and his cheeks feel warm, wet with fresh tears spilling from his eyes. It burns to breathe but he forces himself to take in as much air as his lungs will take, short and ragged gasps that burn, _burn, **burn**_ on the way down.

"I'm s-so-orry… I'll get… I'll g-et h-help…" Shouto rasps, hardly listening to Izuku's strangled call of his name as he gets up on unsteady feet and _runs_.

At first, he's not even sure where he's going, nothing but loud screams ringing in his brain, so overwhelming he can hardly think. They sound so familiar and yet he can't quite place them, only knowing that they sound too much like those of a child. He stumbles into the wall, noting that the lights are all off but not really knowing why, all he sees is darkness and he can't even tell where he is for the longest time as he just drags himself further away from the door he came out of, to the end of the hall.

 _First floor. First floor, Izuku's room. Izuku… he's hurt… get help… I hurt him… get help…_

Shouto's head spins and he crumbles to his knees, his breaths laborious, cutting his throat as if he's swallowing sharp knives. It feels like his whole body weighs a ton and it's a chore to just get back up to his feet. Each movement sparks pain in his muscles, in his bones, in his lungs, everything burns painfully hot and yet he feels so numb that it's hard to sift through the murky cloud of his thoughts, everything just a little out of reach, just a little too much for him to take.

 _Izuku is hurt… He's hurt because of me, I have to help him… burn, he's burning, he's **burning** …_

Gathering as much of his broken mind as he can manage, Shouto heaves himself up, freezing a handle onto the wall for support and continuing towards the stairs. The elevator will be too slow, he needs to act quickly, he can't leave Izuku burning… Rushing down the stairs, he has to hold on to the railing as hard as his quivering hands allow, his vision spotting with every single step he takes further away from Izuku's room and towards the exit of the dorms, shrouded in darkness.

The cold outside air chills him right to the bone, the sweat rolling down his back beginning to freeze along with the path he takes towards the main building of U.A. with as much haste as he can muster. The world seems to be spinning too fast and his body moving too slow in comparison, as if he's trying desperately to swim against a current and failing miserably. For a moment he wonders if he'll drift away as soon as he stops moving, if anyone will hold him and not let him be taken with the waves or if he'll just end up somewhere where no one will ever find him.

But he can't stop, not now, not yet. He has to get to the main building. _Why?_ He has to get there to get help. _Get help, Izuku's hurt, I hurt him… Recovery Girl, the infirmary…_

Somehow – Shouto isn't entirely sure, the whole trip nothing more than a haze of burning breaths and frozen limbs –, he makes it to the main building, collapsing to his knees while hanging from the door handle, finding it locked shut. He tries to push and pull, to scream for someone to open, but his throat is too tight, his tongue too heavy, his mind too fuzzy. Everything around him is a blur of darkness and he can feel frost slowly creeping up his neck as he hunches in on himself, his panic finally taking over as he loses control of his body and mind both.

Shouto holds his head in his hands, sucking in large gulps of air and feeling like none of it reaches his lungs, his field of vision closing as all he can hear is the screams of pain and all he can feel is the _burn_.

 _Izuku… Izuku's hurt because of me, he needs help…_

But no help will come, the doctors can't take away the shrivelling flesh, raw and covered in painful blisters.

 _No, not that. That's not it._

A miserable whimper crawls its way out of Shouto's mouth as he shakes his head weakly, ice beginning to spread beneath his legs, consuming everything in its path to quell that _burn_ deep inside him. He forces himself to look around, Izuku's groans pushing past everything else and telling him to _move, do something, help him, **please** …_ And he sees nothing but dark… The already dim moonlight is covered by the thick clouds above.

He finds himself watching them drift by, sobs breaking through him as his mind stills for just a moment of clarity and he realises it's the middle of the night. No one will answer his call, everyone is fast asleep and he can't think for long enough to even figure out where else to go. Izuku is back in his room, _burning_ and it's his fault. It's his fault and he's too useless to even find someone to help him.

The world crashes around him all over again, heavier, pressing into his chest and pushing what little breath he has left right out of his lungs with a strangled cry. Shouto lets himself fall to his side, curling into as tiny a ball as he can on the dirty floor, shivering with the cold that digs right into his skin, ice crystals building all around him, sharp, cruel. He wants them to stab into him and quell the flames blazing inside his chest, flaring with each forced and stuttered breath.

 _It's my fault, it's my fault. I burned him. I hurt him._

Reality is too much for him to bear and every fantasy in his mind is twisted with dark flames. He lost control, just because of a nightmare – _that's what it was, right?_ –, and he hurt Izuku because of it. If a simple thing like that is enough to make him hurt someone he cares about so much, what's to say he won't do worse? He's dangerous. His father's quirk – _my quirk, it's mine, this is_ my _fault_ – brings only destruction. That's all he is, that's all he represents, hate and hurt.

Izuku deserves someone better than that, someone who isn't volatile, who won't lose control so easily, who won't put his life in danger just by falling asleep by his side.

That's not him. Shouto doesn't deserve someone like Izuku, who's kind and caring and warm. Shouto burns, he destroys.

He's not good enough, _not good at all. Inherently evil, hellflame, that's what this fire is._ Hell burns within him and it will consume every soul in its path. _Corruption, poison._ _Death. Insanity. Evil, evil, **evil**_.

Nothing good can come out of fire, of his father's or his, it doesn't matter. He used it to hurt Izuku and he feels disgusting, inadequate, unworthy.

The darkness closes in further and the weight on his chest gets even more suffocating, the cold biting harshly into his skin and still doing nothing to stop that burn. The fire will always win, always consume, hungry, voracious, looking to raze everything in its path to the ground. Nothing can survive in its wake, nothing can flourish. All that is left behind is ash, a trail of destruction, blackened and rotten, no _green_ just _black and grey_.

Shouto digs his nails into his scalp, trembling and crying quietly, the tears streaming from his eyes burning tracks down his temple.

Izuku got hurt because Shouto let him get too close to the flames, allowing them to reach for him and sear everything down to nothingness. Perhaps it would have been better for him to have never used his fire to begin with, he should have just kept letting it burn him from the inside out but protect everyone that might approach. He should have kept his distance to begin with, remained quiet and cold, surrounded by his ice and keeping everyone at a distance. If he was still alone, Izuku wouldn't have gotten hurt, he wouldn't have burned him, he wouldn't have let everything deteriorate into a pile of cinders.

"Shouto…"

All thoughts cease, the screaming stops and for a second there's nothing but silence.

"Shouto, it's me."

Panic settles once more when he hears steps shuffling closer, his ears ringing, his thoughts getting loud once more with _pain, fire, **evil**_. He tries to crawl away but slips on his own ice, the numbness settling deep in his bones and freezing him in place. There's a hand on his left shoulder and he wants to flinch, to shy away, but his body won't move, his joints locked, frozen.

"It's okay, Shouto, see?"

Izuku pulls his face gently, careful not to startle him even though he's already way past the point of fear. He waves his right arm in front of Shouto's face, and in the night, he can't see much past the tell-tale bumps of his scars. No blisters, he notes, no burnt raw flesh. Izuku takes his hand and places it where the burn should be, where he saw it before. The skin feels warmer than it should be, but beyond that, it's not marred, not dead.

"Just a little inflamed, nothing I haven't handled before… It's okay, Shouto… Please breathe…"

A hiccup breaks through Shouto, and Izuku scoots closer, leaning over him to rest their foreheads together. He takes in deep breaths, slow and steady, and Shouto tries to do the same even though every fibre of his being is screaming at him to pull away, keep his distance. If he wasn't close to Izuku, if he hadn't lost control… He just fell asleep… How can he be sure he won't hurt him again?

"It's okay, Shouto… Just breathe. Please, just breathe…"

Shouto matches his breaths to Izuku's, _in and out_ , just one breath at a time. _I shouldn't be near you, I'll hurt you again, it's only a matter of time. It will only get worse._

"That's not true, you won't hurt me. You didn't mean to, it's okay, it was an accident."

Shouto whimpers, facing the other way as guilt burns within his veins, continuing to mumble near incoherently. _Evil, hellflame, fires burning everywhere, destruction, corruption, insanity, nothing good can come of fire._

"What about yesterday? Shouto, listen to me… You're warm, you make me feel warm and comfortable with your left side… You heat up my tea just the way I like it, you kept the blanket fort toasty at the dorm's Christmas party, remember that?" Izuku lets out a wet laugh, a shaky hand brushing his red locks away from his face. "You were so warm just now I slept right through curfew… Shouto, your fire isn't evil, _you're_ not evil. You're so good to me… It's not your fault…"

"I hurt you…" His voice sounds just as strangled as he feels, his breaths still coming out short and ragged.

"It was an accident… And it wasn't even that bad, I'm fine."

"W-what i-if… N-next t-t-t-"

The words won't come out, drowned by the sobs that tear past his lips.

"Oh, Shouto, it's okay, please…" Izuku drapes himself over him, awkwardly trying to embrace his hunching form. "You won't hurt me, I know you won't."

"I j-j-just di-i-"

"Shh… Hush now, don't speak, just listen and breathe." Shouto tries to block him out but his words pierce through the veils of his panic and shame. "You're a wonderfully kind person… You didn't want to hurt me, or anyone, and you didn't do it on purpose. Nightmares are an awful thing, I tried to wake you up even though I knew I shouldn't have. But you looked like you were in pain and I wanted to help you calm down… I'm sorry… I made a mistake, but it's okay… You'll be okay and so will I. Please, don't hate yourself for something so small, Shouto… It's not your fault…"

Squeezing his eyes shut, Shouto bites the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from crying any louder, the sniffling and sudden gasps already loud enough in the dead of night, even as the storm winds still rustle through the leaves. _Izuku must be cold, he could never handle the cold very well._ But his fire was what hurt him in the first place and he's scared of using it to chase away the chill.

"If we weren't… If I didn't…" Shouto stumbles over his words but this time Izuku doesn't tell him to stop, just waits for him to take a deep breath and continue. "If I never got close to anyone…" He can't bring himself to say the rest, the thought too painful for him to voice it.

"Shouto… You're not that person anymore. You've grown… You've grown into someone others can depend on, someone _I_ can depend on. You're so important to me, I don't want to lose you." Izuku holds him tighter, buries his face into Shouto's shoulder, his shirt dampening with his tears. "Don't pull away from me, please."

There's a force tugging him towards Izuku, one that pulls against the way he tries to move where the other won't reach, where he won't get hurt. But the pain in Izuku's voice sends a pang through Shouto's chest that's even worse than what he felt before.

It feels like he's trying to lift the entire world when props himself up, finally turning around to face his boyfriend as he sits up with him. Shouto throws his arms around Izuku's waist, hiding in the crook of his neck as he feels Izuku's gentle hold on his own. Lips burn a kiss into his skin and the fire inside Shouto simmers. The frost starts receding, the numbness giving way for pins and needles wherever Izuku's warmth touches.

"I don't deserve you…" Shouto's words are muffled by Izuku's shirt, but he hears the other's sigh in return, loud and clear.

"You do. Haven't you heard Kacchan," his voice lowers in pitch when he continues, "'you two nerds belong together.'" Shouto can't help the snort and Izuku mimics him. "Kacchan may be a lot of things, but a liar isn't one of them. So, I guess you're stuck with me regardless."

The burning inside his lungs slowly subsides the longer Shouto lets himself cry into Izuku's neck, just allowing himself to feel the negative emotions spill out of him in waves as he slumps into his arms. Izuku keeps hushing him, running his fingers through Shouto's hair soothingly until he finally feels his heartrate and breathing steady.

It's hard to chase away the dark thoughts still lingering in his conscience, the fear of hurting his boyfriend or anyone else still clawing at his gut and making him nauseous. There's so many things he's afraid, so many insecurities creeping just under his skin and threatening to consume him. _Inadequate, unworthy, dangerous, **evil**_. Shouto shudders when Izuku seems to whisper the exact opposite into his ear, soft and gentle, _honest_.

Their little quiet moment is broken by a sudden sneeze, raucous against the stillness of the night, and Shouto instinctively holds Izuku closer, letting his left side raise in temperature without even thinking about it. He tenses when he catches himself, but the other melting into his embrace helps him relax just a little, and he allows himself to just keep breathing him in until he finally pulls away, wiping at red-rimmed eyes and freckled cheeks.

"We should go back before it gets too late and someone catches us outside after curfew…"

Nodding in agreement, Shouto drags himself to his feet along with Izuku, scowling at the jagged circle of ice on the ground where he just lay that reflects the little light that's bathing them. There's only one person in the entire school who could've made that. If it didn't thaw during the chilly night, he'd definitely be in trouble in the morning. Shouto isn't sure if he cares enough to thaw it but Izuku's gentle squeeze of his left arm and expectant gaze makes him reconsider.

He realises for the first time that he'd walked out of the dorms barefoot when he brings his left leg towards the ice to melt it with a little heat. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on edge as soon as the small flame lights under his foot, and he feels his breathing getting uneven again. Yet Izuku comes up from behind him and wraps his arms around his middle, kissing between his shoulder blades reassuringly and Shouto closes his eyes to focus on staying calm.

They start on their way back, Shouto's right hand resting over the mild burn on Izuku's arm. They stop only to thaw any spots of frost Shouto left behind before, smaller than the other but still rather noticeable. The two of them walk slowly and in silence, but the gentle squeeze of Izuku's fingers around his own is steadying, soothing, the weight on his shoulder when his boyfriend leans into him, grounding.

Finally inside the dorms, Shouto goes towards the kitchen, where they keep a small first aid kit for emergencies and cooking accidents, and pulls out some burn cream.

"There's no need for that, Shouto."

Izuku shuts his mouth with a click at the icy glare Shouto shoots him in response, letting him spread the medicine over the sensitive skin. Shouto startles when he feels fingertips dancing daintily on his cheek, just under where his scar begins, and he lifts his gaze to meet concerned green eyes. With a sigh, he looks back down to Izuku's arm, focusing on what he's doing since he has such low visibility with all the lights turned off.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really. I'll be fine though, don't worry. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for, Shouto… But you're forgiven anyway…"

Gnawing at his cheek, Shouto finally lets go, quickly rinsing his hands in the sink before wrapping an arm over Izuku's hip and walking him to his room.

Once there, they stand awkwardly by the door for what feels like an eternity of uncomfortable silence hanging between them. Neither knows what to say now, how to part without it feeling just a little wrong, so they just sit there, holding onto each other.

"I should go to my room."

Izuku simply hums, his grip on Shouto's dirt-stained shirt tightening. "Would it be selfish of me to ask you not to?"

"It's past curfew…"

"And we're already out anyway."

"You need to rest. _We_ need to rest." Shouto mumbles, his chest tightening as the irrational fear of being alone takes his heart hostage when he's still so scared of what could happen if he doesn't leave.

"I never said I wanted us to stay up."

"Izuku…" _I could hurt you again._ The words stay in his mind, but they're so obvious Izuku flinches anyway.

"Nothing will happen. We're just going to lie down, close our eyes, and sleep." There's a gentle yet desperate tug on his shirt. "Please… I don't want you to be alone right now. I don't want to be alone either."

A shaky breath blows past Shouto's lips. "The teachers—"

"—don't need to know."

With a jerky nod of his head, Shouto opens the door and steps inside with Izuku by his side. He changes into a clean hoodie that Izuku always has laying around for him and a pair of his shorts, leaving his dirty clothes somewhere on the floor along with all the others while his boyfriend pulls back the covers and climbs into bed, waiting for him to join. Shouto faces the outside this time, almost falling off the edge of the bed as that apprehension still lingers, but Izuku snakes his arms around him and tugs him close to his chest. He rubs his face against Shouto's back before burying it in the bunched-up hood with a little sigh.

"You're warm, Shouto…" Shouto hears him mutter, the soft vibrations rumbling all the way to his chest. "It feels nice…"

Their fingers lace together over Shouto's stomach, and despite the voice in his head still telling him this is a bad idea, that he'll end up hurting Izuku again, the other's steady breaths drown out those thoughts. Just for now, he lets his body relax the tiniest bit, lets he tension melt off his shoulders and his joints unlock. The exhaustion from all those intense emotions catches up to him quicker than the hint of panic rises within him and he feels himself getting lulled to sleep by the sound of Izuku's gentle snores.


	3. Ashes

Izuku wakes to the bed shifting and cold creeping under the covers, an empty space left behind where a warm body lied before. His lids flutter open and he has to blink away the excessive light, even if it's still dimly peeking through the window, still too early in the morning for the rising sun to shine past the barrier of clouds. He turns towards the door, propping himself up on his elbow as he rubs the sleep away from his eyes.

"Shouto?"

The other stops at the sound of Izuku's somewhat hoarse voice, still not adjusted after a full night's sleep – well, not really full considering –, and his whole body seems to tense, as if he's suddenly being pulled taut from every direction and is ready to start tearing. Immediately, it feels like the room grows colder and Izuku can't tell if it's Shouto or the nervous feeling sinking deep in his gut.

"Where are you going? It can't be any later than five in the morning…"

Fists curl by Shouto's sides for little more than a second before he forces himself to appear more relaxed, turning to face him with an apologetic smile that doesn't even begin to reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry for waking you…" Mismatched eyes drop to the floor, watching something Izuku isn't exactly privy to. "I should get to my room before anyone wakes up… I don't want us to get in trouble and be forbidden from going into each other's rooms, or something."

"R-right, of course…" The words seem logical, the reasoning flawless, but it feels like a lie and Izuku can't shake that coldness from settling in his bones.

"I'll be going then."

"Okay…" Shouto turns towards the door and stops when Izuku adds "I'll see you later", pausing for far too long before replying.

"Yes, later…"

And just like that he disappears from sight, leaving Izuku to slowly sink back into his mattress, his gaze lingering on where Shouto had just been standing. He doesn't know if it's because of getting hardly any rest, if it's the mild burn on his arm making his skin feel flushed and hot, or even if it's just because Shouto's no longer by his side, but Izuku feels a chill run down his spine.

Pulling the covers up to his neck, Izuku tries to turn back on his side and get some more sleep before his alarm tells him he has to leave bed and get ready. No matter how long he keeps his eyes closed and stays still, curled up into a tiny ball to gather as much heat as possible, trying not to think about anything and just relax into slumber, Izuku just can't seem to let go of that uncomfortable feeling. It eats away at him, even as he tells himself that Shouto's just a little shaken up, that it's normal and he'll be fine soon enough after he gets some time to think by himself. He twists and he turns, he huffs, he shivers and he feels a little sick, and by the time his phone finally starts telling him to get up, he feels exhausted.

With a sigh, he sits up, throwing the covers off and hanging his feet off the side of the bed. Izuku bites his bottom lip, shaking his head as he once again tries to convince himself that nothing's wrong, that he's overreacting like he always does. Shouto's had nightmares before, he's texted him about it in the middle of the night and been off the whole day, but he always feels better after a while, this is no different.

Except it is… Shouto always has those night terrors alone, waking up in cold sweats and short for breath, trembling like a leaf and feeling nauseous from how frantically his heart is beating, something that Izuku always feels horrible about. He knows what it's like, what he would give to have someone there to just hold him for a while as he lets himself cry it out for a few minutes or an hour, however long it takes for him to calm down. When he saw Shouto so distressed, he wanted nothing more than to take away the lines of fear twisting his features, wanted to be that person who was there for him when he needed it the most. So much so that he ignored all the common sense that told him waking someone having a nightmare is a bad idea; Shouto wasn't thrashing too badly, wasn't hurting himself… And in the process, he ended up getting hurt.

Izuku is fine, but it clearly affected Shouto.

 _I just wanted to help…_

Walking to his bathroom, he starts getting ready, hoping that he's just overthinking and everything will be fine.

Their conversations are stunted throughout the whole day, but he expected that. They hardly exchange two words during lunch and after class Shouto tells him he'll be in his room for the rest of the day. Izuku expected that. He still offered him all the smiles he could at every chance he got, he still held his hand as many times as he let him and he still hugged him before he left, like every other time Shouto needs some space to deal with his demons.

He ignores the icy nervousness pooled in the pit of his stomach.

And yet, the next day rolls around, and when Izuku comes back from his morning run, cheerfully greeting Shouto on his way to the showers, he doesn't get the small smile he expected in return. All Shouto has for him is his lips pulled to a taut line and a stiff nod of his head, his eyes quickly moving from his face to his right arm – which by now is just peeling a little in the spots that were a little more affected –, then to the mug in his hands, avoiding staring directly at him for too long.

Izuku swallows the lump in his throat, bites back the hurt that shoots right through his chest and tells himself he just needs one more day.

They're partnered up for hero lessons the next day. They're working on their one on one combat, exploring each other's weaknesses so that they become more aware of what they lack when fighting without their quirks and work on it.

"Everyone has weaknesses, but for heroes those are windows villains won't hesitate to take advantage of. One single opening is enough to decide between life or death. If you don't cover all your bases, you'll be heading to the morgue faster than you reach the rankings."

Aizawa had never been one to sugar-coat anything.

Izuku knocks Shouto down for the third time in the past five minutes and their teacher reaches their side before he even has the chance to offer him his hand. Shouto doesn't take it for the third time as well, simply dusting himself off as he gets to his feet on his own.

"Todoroki, you're not even trying. There's no point to this exercise if you won't fight Midoriya seriously."

"I apologise. I'll be more careful."

Aizawa grumbles, glaring at them before walking over to the other students. Normally, they never hesitate to give it their all when sparring, even having fun seeing who gets who to hit the ground first. But now it's like their every interaction is off-kilter, even this wordless conversation feeling one-sided, like Izuku's the only one really trying to reach out while Shouto simply tries to pull back, get more and more distance between them.

What hurts the most is that he can tell Shouto isn't mad or upset with him. He looks scared, absolutely terrified, whenever Izuku tries to step into his personal space.

"Shouto…" Izuku starts, his brows pulled together in a concerned knot as he steps closer before they go again.

"I'm fine, Izuku. Come on, let's do this."

Tensing his jaw, Izuku assumes a fighting stance and goes for his side. Throughout the whole exercise, Shouto keeps on the defensive, no matter how hard he tries to coax him into getting more aggressive. He even leaves absurdly obvious openings in almost every one of his attacks, desperate for Shouto to react. He doesn't.

Aizawa switches their partners after Shouto's third warning and Izuku is paired up with Kacchan. The bruises he gets on his face because of it somehow seem to hurt Shouto more than they do him.

Later that day, when they reach the common room, Izuku stops Shouto before he has the chance to leave, holding his arm gently as he calls for him, getting a low hum in response.

"Are you coming by my room to study? Like usual…"

There's a pregnant pause, the tension hanging heavily between them. "Actually, I was planning to do it in the library today. We sometimes get distracted and I really need to focus on our English essay."

Those words cut deeper than any knife, twisting inside his chest and almost knocking the breath right out of Izuku. His eyes prickle and his vision blurs, the blood draining from his face as he drops his hand back to his side and looks away, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

"Y-yeah, sure, I understand… I'll see you later, maybe."

Shouto simply hums before leaving him to turn around and wipe at his eyes hastily, hoping no one saw the tears that started to overflow from the corner of his eyes.

"Deku-kun…" Izuku lifts his gaze at the sound of Uraraka's voice, masking the little sob that breaks through him with a cough. "Are you and Todoroki-kun fighting?"

A little humourless laugh tumbles from his lips and he shakes his head weakly. "It's not like that…"

"Want to talk about it?"

He's about to tell her that it's okay, they'll work through it, they always do… But it's been three whole days and Shouto hasn't shown any signs of letting him back in and he'd be lying through his teeth if he said it didn't hurt tremendously. He whimpers when he wipes the tears away with the back of his hand again and accidentally presses against one of the hits Kacchan has decorated his face with. Wordlessly, he nods his agreement and she takes him by the hand over to her dorm.

As soon as the door clicks behind them Izuku can't hold back the sobs anymore, crumbling to his knees as he mumbles his way through everything that happened, knowing for a fact that Uraraka isn't going to catch a single word but needing to let it all out in one go anyway. She just kneels next to him and rubs his back in soft circles, letting him rest his head on her shoulder while he keeps crying softly until he can finally catch his breath and stop his tears from spilling. He graciously takes the box of tissues she has in her room specifically for when he comes over to watch romance dramas with her. Izuku certainly feels like he's in one right about now.

Slowly, his sobs die down and his breathing steadies, only the occasional hiccups still breaking through him every other minute. Uraraka leans into his shoulder, her neck craned to look up at his flushed face as he blows his nose one last time.

"Feeling better?"

"A little…" He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes as if tired. To be quite honest, he feels exhausted, everything becoming a little too much, too fast, the constant walking on eggshells around Shouto nothing short of gruelling.

"Want to actually tell me what's going on in a way I can understand?"

Unable to stop the heavy sigh that blows past his lips, Izuku lets his shoulders slump and his head hang miserably, staring at his thumbs as he plays with the hem of his shirt over his lap.

"It's complicated… But, long story short," He lifts up his peeling right arm, "Shouto accidentally burned me and now it feels like every time I try to get close he's just putting more distance between us."

"Well, if it was an accident… Haven't you tried talking to him?"

"Of course I have!" Izuku flinches at how exasperated he sounds, apologising for his outburst and picking up another tissue. He already feels his eyes prickling again. "I just don't want to push him… You know how he is, if I do that, he pushes back ten times harder and I… I don't want to make things worse than they already are… I've already told him countless times that it's not his fault and I'm fine, but he won't listen… I thought if I just let him have some time to think he'd come around, like usual, but…"

Izuku's throat starts closing up again and he trails off, his breaths becoming short as he stares up at the ceiling in a futile attempt to keep his tears at bay. He forces himself to look at Uraraka when she hums thoughtfully beside him, sitting back on her ankles and bringing an index finger to her lips.

"Have you tried doing something for him to get his mind off of it?"

"Like what…"

A look of determination crosses her features and she shifts so that she's kneeling in front of him, taking his hands in hers. "When's the last time you two went on a date?"

Izuku blinks dumbly at her for a moment before looking down at their hands stuttering his way through his thoughts. "I-I don't… I mean, with school and everything, it's just… You know…"

"Then that decides it, you're taking Todoroki-kun out on a date!"

"Uraraka-san…" Izuku whines, not really resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her. "I can't even get him to stay in the same room with me for longer than five minutes outside of class… What makes you think I can actually convince him to get out of campus with me?"

"Who said anything about leaving campus?" Her lips stretch into a mischievous grin and Izuku can't help but blush slightly, even if he's not really sure why. "You're gonna make it so he can't say no to you!"

"Well that's…"

He thinks that he should at least be wary of such a suggestion, but he's getting pretty desperate at this point. All he wants is for things to go back to normal, to hold Shouto and have Shouto hold him. Izuku just wants their relationship to be as easy as breathing, as it always had been, a breath of fresh air amidst all the suffocating responsibilities, not this tension hanging between them that could snap at any moment, threatening to take everything they built down with it.

Sighing once more, Izuku looks his eager best friend in the eyes. "What did you have in mind?"

Uraraka beams at him, taking out her phone. "I'm going to text Yaomomo!"

"Yaoyorozu-san? Why are you involving her?!" Eyes widening and alarm rising within him, he reaches for her phone only to have her turn her back to him.

"Because I need someone to keep Todoroki-kun busy tomorrow while we get everything ready!" Izuku opens his mouth to protest, not wanting to involve anyone else in his and Shouto's relationship, but before he can even begin to say anything, there's already a ping coming from Uraraka's phone. "She says she's in."

With a defeated huff, Izuku simply lets himself fall sideways, groaning out a complaint that goes completely ignored as Uraraka starts listing off the things they're going to need to make this a success.

* * *

There's a nervousness bubbling in the pit Izuku's stomach, but not the icy cold he's been feeling these past few days. He'd daresay he's actually a little excited. After getting over the initial shock at Uraraka's barrage of ideas, Izuku had started getting into it as well; how could he not? After all, they were working together to make something wonderful for Shouto – and him as well, even though that wasn't really his point, she made it hers that they both deserved a pleasant time with each other and he didn't want to argue with that.

The butterflies swarm in his stomach and his chest and Izuku dares to hope things will actually be okay after today. Sure, Shouto had still been distant that morning, their conversations had still felt terse and like there was this heavy atmosphere that made it a little hard to breathe… But Izuku is hopeful, he can't afford not to be. He doesn't want to give up on everything they have together; and over a nightmare and an accident, no less…

Trying to be as quiet as possible, he moves closer to the little patch of grass where Yaoyorozu and Shouto are sitting under the shade of a large tree, enjoying the little breeze as they read in a comfortable silence. Izuku can't help but feel a little pang of jealousy that he could sit that close to her but if he got two steps too close, it was all Shouto could do to not turn on his heels and run the other way. Shame washes over him at that thought as soon as Yaoyorozu notices him and offers him a little smile, a light flush already crawling to his cheeks at his own pettiness. He'll apologise to her later, there's other things for him to focus on right now. Izuku won't let all that hard work with Uraraka go to waste.

Taking his uniform's tie out of his back pocket, a last-minute thought that crossed his mind right as he was leaving his room, Izuku crouches down behind Shouto, draping the piece of fabric over his eyes and leaning in close, lips ghosting over the shell of his ear. There's a silent gasp at Shouto's lips, his body tensing as he reaches for the tie with one hand and ice crystals start crackling on the other.

"Guess who?" Izuku breathes out the words and Shouto's ice stops forming, but the stiffness of his muscles remains. The pang in Izuku's chest does not go ignored.

"Izuku…" The name comes out strangled, almost as if it pains Shouto to even say it.

Without skipping a beat, Izuku makes a neat little knot with the ends of his tie, careful it's not too tight, and snakes his now free hands over Shouto's sides until he's wrapped him in a tight hug. A shudder runs through his boyfriend and Izuku counts it as a small win. The blush over Izuku's cheeks grows a deeper shade of red as he sees Yaoyorozu respectfully look away.

"I've got something for you." The hesitation rolling off of Shouto in waves is almost palpable. Izuku doesn't miss the way his hands tremble slightly, the way his jaw is locked and everything about his body language is screaming fear. "Shouto, do you trust me?"

Shouto's breath catches, he holds it for what feels like a tortuous eternity before finally letting it out in one long exhale. "With my life, Izuku."

Izuku's lids flutter closed at the sound of those words, relief washing over him so heavily he feels his limbs grow weak, his whole being quaking and compelling him to melt against his boyfriend's back. Instead, he squeezes Shouto for a single second before letting go, walking around him and taking the worn book from his lap. A small smile tugs at the corners of Izuku's lips when he realises it's the copy of his favourite book that mysteriously disappeared from his shelf not even two months ago, placing the All Might bookmark between the pages before giving it to Yaoyorozu.

Hesitantly, he takes Shouto's hands in his, pulling him up slightly but waiting, silently _begging_ for him to follow. After a few excruciating heartbeats, the blood swooshing loudly past Izuku's ears as his heart drums violently against his ribs, Shouto lifts himself off the grass, taking his hands back to shake the dirt from his jeans.

"So, where are we going?"

Izuku stops him before he reaches for the blindfold, lacing their fingers together to bring his arm back down. He swallows around the small lump in his throat, exhaling a shaky breath and trying not to focus too much on the nervous pitter-patter inside his chest.

"Just follow me. I'll tell you where to step, don't worry."

Shouto nods faintly, just a tiny tip of his head that Izuku may have missed were he not observing his every action so closely.

With the greatest care, Izuku pulls him along, always letting him know if there are any rises and falls in their path as they make their slow trudge towards their destination. Each step makes his heart beat faster and harder, every bend makes his stomach twist and he can't take his eyes off of the straight line of Shouto's lips, how it doesn't curve one way or another no matter what. The sinking feeling that's been plaguing Izuku starts to creep back up his veins, unease settling deep in his gut.

In his momentary distraction, Izuku misses a stray root and doesn't warn Shouto in time, the other tripping on it and falling forward, towards him. On instinct, he wraps his arms around his boyfriend, steadying him before he has any chance of falling yet still apologising profusely. His cheeks feel impossibly warm and the sensation is only amplified by Shouto's cool breath brushing against them, the tips of their noses bumping when he tries to right himself.

"A-Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I got distracted and…"

Izuku trails off when his gaze focuses on Shouto's face, the soft pink painting his pale skin in soft blotches so wonderfully enticing he can't think of anything else.

"I'm fine." The words sound breathy and Izuku feels them against his lips, suddenly wanting nothing more than to kiss Shouto.

"Okay, um…" It takes all of his willpower to look away and towards the little clearing among the garden trees where Uraraka is guarding their things. "We're almost there."

The girl spies them from her spot on the grass and waves excitedly at Izuku before making her way to them. Shouto turns his head as she walks past them, Izuku offering her a grateful smile in return.

Dropping Shouto's hands, he takes a deep breath, taking one last look at the blanket laid across the ground, a basket sitting beside it – courtesy of Yaoyorozu – among all the tiny flowers blossoming in between the blades of grass. They're weeds, but he could never not think they looked pretty anyway.

"You can take off the blindfold now."

As Izuku shifts awkwardly from one foot to another, hiding his hands behind his back and staring from his feet to his boyfriend's face, suddenly feeling silly for everything he's doing, Shouto blinks away the sudden light after he slips off the tie. He looks at the picnic by their feet and Izuku's face starts burning hotter the longer he doesn't say anything.

"Izuku, I…"

The dejected tone in Shouto's voice is enough to make his heart drop. Izuku looks up in a sudden panic grasping at straws for anything to say before the other goes any further. Before he can stop it, all of his thoughts are just tumbling out of his mouth without warning, and he can't do anything to stop it.

"Shouto please, don't say what I think you're gonna say! I know, okay? I know this is hard but please, _please_ don't leave. You weren't doing anything before, and I… I miss you… I did all this for you, made your favourite snacks – well, Uraraka-san helped a lot, you know I've never really been that great in the kitchen –, and I just wanted… I just wanted us to spend some time together and talk… Please?"

There's a pause as Shouto gulps, shame crossing his expression, before he nods and sits down. Izuku follows soon after, a little stunned that he didn't actually just leave anyway. Every single thing he wants to say and maybe even more flash inside his mind, barrelling him all at once and leaving him at a complete loss for any actual words, so he simply stares at Shouto. He takes in the way his fists clench over his knees, the way he's clearly biting the insides of his cheek so hard it must be painful, and he scoots closer. Immediately, Shouto tenses and Izuku recoils, afraid of scaring him off.

It seems like Shouto is worried about the complete opposite, though.

"Izuku aren't you… scared of me?"

It takes him far longer to process those words than he would ever care to admit, especially knowing that with each passing second, Shouto's guilt grows hungrier. "Of course not… Why would I ever be scared of you?"

Shouto clicks his tongue and starts inspecting the plaid pattern of the blanket. "I'm dangerous. I hurt you…"

"Shouto…" Izuku's eyes burn with the need to shed all the tears he's held back throughout the day and his throat gets impossibly tight, but he forces himself to choke out the words anyway. "Last year… I was back home for the holidays…"

Even though his gaze has fallen to the ground, Izuku can feel Shouto's mismatched eyes burning holes into him, the weight of his anticipation heavy on his shoulders as he continues.

"You know I sometimes talk in my sleep, right? Well, this one time, I was having such a horrible nightmare that, apparently, I was actually screaming. My mother woke up to that, and she was so worried that she rushed to my room to check up on me, see what was wrong, and she found me twisting and kicking violently.

"So, she obviously wanted to calm me down, afraid I was going to hurt myself and… I don't remember much, if I'm honest, but I happened to wake up then and… And I… Shouto, I accidentally activated my quirk and I punched a hole into my bedroom wall. An actual hole, a block of cement turned to crumbled dust.

"My mother was shocked and when I came to… I was horrified. What if I happened to wake up just a few seconds later? What if instead of the wall it was _her_? I felt so guilty, so _scared_ that I would hurt her… But I didn't. By some sort of miracle, I didn't. Still, I couldn't stop thinking… If I had… I would never forgive myself."

"It wouldn't be your fault!"

Izuku looks up at Shouto's outburst, seeing the surprise plastered on his face and swallowing back the sobs. "If you're so sure of that about me, why can't you believe it for yourself, Shouto?" The other hangs his head in shame and Izuku slides closer, fingertips brushing over the backs of his hands. "What happened wasn't your fault. I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it. I know how hard it is, but Shouto… I want you back by my side…"

Silence settles around them, the gentle rustle of leaves barely heard underneath the loud beating of Izuku's heart. _Please, Shouto…_ He doesn't want to admit how desperate he feels, how the terror of losing his most treasured friend, his partner, is gripping his insides so tightly he isn't sure if that's why he can't breathe.

"I'm sorry…" Shouto's strangled voice sounds loud against the quiet of the clearing even though it's nothing but a whisper, and the warm tears rolling down Izuku's hands feel like they might burn him right down to the soul. "I'm sorry… I never meant… I didn't want to…"

Biting back his own little hiccups, Izuku throws his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders, pulling him close and never wanting to let him go.

"I know, Shouto… It's okay…" His fingers tangle with white and red locks and he places soft pecks to his temple. "I don't want you to leave me…"

"I don't want that… I just don't… I could have—if I had… I'm scared of…"

It's hard to make sense of his broken sentences, especially when he's having a hard time keeping himself together as well. Izuku can't bring himself to think it matters at all, pulling back just enough to hold Shouto's face between his hands and closing the distance, lips crashing together desperately, craving each other's taste as if it was the sweetest, most addictive flavour.

 _I missed you, I missed you so much. You were right there but you felt so far away. I want you back, I want to hold you. I want to laugh with you, to smile with you. I just want you._

He wants to say all these things and yet he finds no words to speak them, getting lost in the stolen breaths and treasured little noises. Their teeth clash with how urgently they dive for each other, they bite lips and tongues and whimper at the slight sting but they don't pull apart until their heads start spinning and their need for air wins over. Still, they stay with their foreheads resting against one another's, their hands clawing at each other's shirts in an attempt to feel more of each other, to somehow get closer.

"Izuku…"

"Shouto…"

They hold each other, Izuku moving to bury his nose in Shouto's neck, the left side, feeling his warmth just underneath the skin, seeping into his own.

Suddenly, he's overcome with the need to just smile, his mouth stretching into a satisfied grin as he leaves butterfly-kisses all over the column of his throat. Shouto trembles once, twice, his shaking fingers carding through Izuku's hair.

"I missed you too… I'm so sorry, Izuku… I felt like I couldn't face you with all this guilt…"

"You know I don't blame you…"

"I know… But knowing that somehow makes it so much worse when I blame myself…"

"Please don't pull away from me, Shouto."

"What if I hurt you again?"

Izuku leans back to look into storm grey and ocean blue eyes, holding Shouto's face between his hands and brushing the stray tears away with his thumbs, his expression softening further.

"I want you to know that it will never be your fault. You'd never hurt me. You could be mind-controlled, with a knife to my chest, and I'd trust you not to do it."

Choking back more quiet sobs, Shouto lets his head fall to Izuku's shoulder, holding the sides of his shirt tightly and pulling him into his arms. Izuku simply gives into it, melting in his arms and whispering sweet nothings into his ear, soothing him for as long as he needs while rubbing loose circles against his back. He refuses to let go until Shouto pulls away of his own accord, shaky breaths occasionally breaking through him as he slowly calms down, the shame clearing little by little from those eyes Izuku loves getting lost in.

A more peaceful atmosphere slowly settles around them, the birds chirping inside the canopies, the sun shining softly on their skin, the breeze blowing in their hair and easing the summer heat. Izuku can't help the little sigh of relief, feeling some of the tension lift from his shoulders, and takes one of Shouto's hands in his, tugging at his arm in a silent plea for him to get closer. At first, he hesitates, but then, bit by bit, he moves further until his right side is flush against Izuku's left, pleasantly cool.

For a few heartbeats, they just let themselves relax into each other, appreciating their calm surroundings, playing with each other's hands as they get accustomed to each other's presence again. Neither really forgot how easily they fell into each other, but they never minded relearning the way their fingers feel laced together, or how they can match their breaths to one another's, their heartbeats synchronised to the rises and falls of the other's chest. Izuku is the first to actually break the silence, kissing Shouto's temple before calling for his attention.

"When was the last time you ate something? You forget to eat when you're upset."

Izuku digs into the basket, pulling out one cupcake, careful not to get the green frosting anywhere, and hands it to Shouto. He eyes it curiously, peeling back the paper cover and raising an eyebrow at the red and white halves. Izuku blushes a bright red, fiddling with his thumbs as he laughs sheepishly.

"I thought it'd be cute… Red velvet and vanilla… Since you like them… And the green was Uraraka-san's idea…" He lowers his voice and his head both. "She called them tododeku cupcakes…"

"Tododeku?"

The knot between Shouto's brows pulls tight and Izuku sputters, covering his face with his hands to hide his even deeper flush.

"Y-yeah... Apparently it's a thing to come up with ship names for the people in our class."

"Ship names?"

Confusion takes over his features and Izuku is torn between laughing and whining from embarrassment, thinking of the long list that at one point circulated their classrooms with bets on 'which ship would be canon', resorting to shaking his head in dismissal. Shouto looks like he wants to know anyway but ends up shrugging instead, taking a small bite of the cupcake and humming as he let's his lids fall closed, savouring the flavour.

"This is really good."

"Right? I was really proud of myself that they turned out so well. I mean, I was proud of both of us, but mostly myself."

An actual chuckle, no matter how short lived, makes Shouto's shoulders shake slightly, and Izuku is filled with a sense of unbridled joy, wanting him to keep laughing and smiling, to finally watch the last of his fears melt away and allow him to just breathe.

A bit of frosting sticks to Shouto's cheek and he doesn't think twice before reaching for it, wiping it off with his thumb and bringing it to his lips to lick at it.

"I think you missed a spot."

"Did I?"

Izuku tilts his head slightly in curiosity and watches as the corners of his boyfriend's mouth twitch upwards and he brings his index to the cupcake, taking another tiny dollop of the creamy glaze and looking straight into his eyes. Izuku holds his breath, not really knowing what to expect and letting his mouth fall open slightly when Shouto swipes at his bottom lip, leaving behind a dash of green that looks awfully nice on him.

"Yeah, right here."

"Can't have that."

"No, we can't. I think you should take care of it."

Humming quietly, Izuku leans closer, tipping his chin up to reach Shouto's level, his tongue darting out to lick over his lip before he pulls back again with a dark flush and a wobbly grin. His chest feels impossibly warm and filled with such affection his eyes start stinging slightly with the need to let it out. He resists the urge, letting his back fall to the blanket as he stares up at the sky, tugging at Shouto's shirt in an invitation. Finishing the last of the treat, he scoots down, lying next to Izuku with his arms behind his head to hold himself a little higher.

They watch the lazy clouds drifting across the sky, like slow boats sailing the sea of blue but leaving no ripples in their wake. After a while, Izuku drags himself closer, his head resting on his boyfriend's shoulder as he points at a particularly fluffy cloud, two long protuberances poking up from a rounder base.

"That one looks like a bunny."

"Really? Huh, I thought it looked like your hero costume's mask. But now that you mention it, I guess you do look like a bunny with it on."

Izuku gasps at his comment, his eyebrows shooting up as he looks at Shouto's amused expression. "I do _not_."

"You really do."

"It's supposed to be an homage to All Might."

"Hmm... No, definitely a bunny. One of those tiny and angry ones."

"Angry? I'm not angry!"

"But you _are_ a bunny."

"That's not what I said."

"It's what I heard." Izuku smacks his side and Shouto lets out a breathless laugh, turning on his side and snaking his arms around his shoulders to pull his head to his chest. "Thank you... For not giving up on me even though I'm such a pain in your neck. I'm sorry I tried to push you away..."

"It's okay... Just don't do it again... Please, my heart can't take it."

"I'll do my best."

Kissing the top of his head, Shouto rolls onto his back again, continuing to watch the sky as Izuku keeps pointing out shapes in the clouds, having fun associating them with some of their classmates to get little chuckles out of the other. Occasionally, he'll turn to place his lips on Shouto's cheek, smiling softly all the while and just enjoying finally being next to him again. He can tell that there's still some apprehension in his eyes, the ghost of guilt twisting his features every once in a while, but Izuku just offers him a reassuring smile and squeezes his hand, sometimes pulling it to his lips to kiss the palm, and Shouto returns the favour. The sun slowly sinks closer to the horizon as they just lie there, watching the sky and feeding each other snacks, always touching and never really fully letting go of one another.

Whatever hardships may come their way, in that moment, Izuku feels like there's nothing they can't overcome together.


	4. Simmers

Finding their balance once again wasn't exactly easy. It took a little trial and error, a bit of pushing past anxieties and quelling irrational fears. Izuku takes Shouto's silences in stride, finding some solace in the fact that he at least won't pull away anymore when he tries to get closer. Little by little, the incident gets buried by their everyday life, by the school work and the hero training, by their friends' mindless banter as they study together in Iida's room like they do every week on Mondays, or the short Super Smash Bros. tournament Kaminari hosts on Tuesday afternoons.

Soon enough, they fall back into their routine, they find their comfort zone right where they'd left it and they settle into it. Shouto no longer flinches whenever Izuku walks towards him a little too fast and he will no longer hesitate to land a solid kick to his side when they spar. If Izuku can't help a smirk when he returns it by pinning him to the ground, it's mostly because of how good it feels to finally have this sense of normalcy and only slightly due to how fun it is to watch his boyfriend scramble to leave his hold. And fail.

It is entirely unfair how Shouto leans up and pecks him right on the lips, catching him off guard and taking advantage of his shock to flip him over, twisting his left arm in between his legs until he yields. Izuku rubs his shoulder as he stands back up, narrowing his eyes at the other even though the little smile dancing on his lips betrays his real feelings. Being pulled into Shouto's arms for a warm embrace – no matter how sweaty they may be from both the summer heat and the exercise – makes his heart stutter, filling him with a calm sense of joy he just wants to bask in forever.

With their school work done not that long after, they decide to take a moment to just breathe each other in, sitting in a comfortable quiet on Izuku's bed while he plays some old superhero movie on his laptop. They're not really paying much attention, or at the very least, Izuku isn't, too distracted by the feeling of Shouto's fingers carding through his hair as he melts back into his embrace, his head resting on his shoulder and his eyes drifting shut before fluttering back open. Occasionally, he hears the soft smack of lips kissing the top of his head, the hand that was tangled in his locks drifting up and down his arm for a few moments before returning to its rightful place, petting him into a calm state of limbo between slumber and wakefulness.

It feels nice. It feels right, normal.

The movie ends, the credits roll, and eventually they are left with nothing but the tender hum of their steady breaths in the otherwise quiet room. Fingertips dance gingerly over the skin of Izuku's arm and he shivers a little at the feeling, slightly ticklish, entirely delightful. Shouto takes his right hand in his own, thumb brushing gently over the bumpy scars that mar its surface, each and every one of his crooked fingers. But he lingers on the two lines the dash across the middle of his hand, rubbing loose circles around them, drawing uneven patterns above and below them.

"Shouto…" Izuku only gets a small hum in response, pensive and somewhat distracted, and he shifts, squeezing Shouto's fingers that are laced with his own. "Is something wrong?"

For a few long moments, he gets no reply but his boyfriend's breathing against the shell of his ear, his thumb still tracing the white lines on the back of his hand. He seems to take a long time to consider the question and its answer, which in and of itself should already be a clue as to what may be going on inside that head of his.

Opening his eyes lazily, Izuku looks up at Shouto's face, admiring his profile, even from a low angle, getting caught in the lines of his strong jaw and thin lips. Blue greys meet his gaze and hold it, framed by snow and fire falling over them loosely, stray locks mixing together and upsetting the tidy line that separates the two.

"Just thinking…" He whispers before returning to trailing the lines with light touches.

Falling back onto Shouto's chest, Izuku turns his hand so that he can play with his fingers too, waiting for him to continue. When there's no response for another small eternity, he tugs at the hem of his boyfriend's shirt with his free hand, once, twice, three times, hoping that will get his attention. He just keeps staring at his scars and Izuku sighs.

"Shouto, what are you thinking about?"

At that, Shouto's hold on him tightens, his fingers twitch before they curl around Izuku's and he lets out a shaky breath that blows against his cheeks. Pulling him up slightly and wrapping both his arms around his waist, Shouto buries his face in Izuku's neck, nuzzling into him before placing a soft peck against his skin and making him shudder with a light giggle bubbling in his throat.

"Don't change the subject."

"I didn't say anything..."

"But you're still distracting me..."

"I am doing no such thing."

The way he kisses the little sensitive spot just under Izuku's ear tells him otherwise, the one that never fails to make him squeal and shrink in on himself on instinct alone, trying to squirm away from the tingling sensation it causes.

"Forgive my scepticism..." Izuku gasps in between tiny laughs he couldn't control if he tried, each new brush of Shouto's lips drawing a new breathless chuckle out of him.

With a small sigh, Shouto pulls them both back against Izuku's pillows, the trilling laughs subsiding and the silence settling between them once again. Izuku's gaze follows Shouto as he snakes his hand beneath his own, lifting them both in front of their faces.

"It's stupid…" Shouto finally speaks, resting his chin on Izuku's shoulder and bringing their joined hands to his lips, kissing each of his scars tenderly.

"Is it bothering you?" All Izuku gets from his boyfriend is a noncommittal shrug that tells him all he needs to know. "Then it's not stupid."

Izuku can feel the resignation seeping into Shouto's posture when he settles their hands atop his stomach, hiding his face behind his nape before trying to keep his breaths even, the small stutters brushing against the back of his neck. Squeezing his hand in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture, Izuku shifts so that he can rest his head on Shouto's shoulder again, wanting to see his face for whatever he has to say.

"Don't worry, I'm here to listen."

Shouto clicks his tongue before clenching his jaw, letting out a heavy sigh that sounds like it carries the weight of worlds.

"I was just thinking… what if… back then, during the sports festival, you didn't go out of your way to make me see how wrong my way of thinking was – how toxic?"

Blinking at his words, Izuku turns on his side to fully face the other, looking into distressed blue and grey eyes and opening his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted before he can even get any words out.

"I would still have the same demons I do now, but I wouldn't know how to control them, I…"

Shouto trails off, his forehead crinkling with lines of apprehension that Izuku wants to press down with the tips of his fingers. Instead, he brings his left hand up to rest over Shouto's cheek, rubbing his thumb just beneath the dark circles that haven't quite left the home they've made under his boyfriend's storm-filled eyes.

"Shouto, you are the one who went out of your way to get my attention. If you hadn't singled me out, if you hadn't told me why you thought that way, I would have been none the wiser. Give yourself some credit…"

The hold on him tightens and Shouto lets out an icy puff of air, sending a shiver down Izuku's spine as soon as it tickles the tip of his nose as the other leans closer and places one gentle kiss over what he assumes is his favourite freckle. Shouto had mentioned once that it was one that dipped down the bridge of his nose and fell over the little valley that connected to his cheek. Izuku can't help but squeeze his eyes shut, stray red and white hairs brushing against his skin and causing him to crinkle his nose slightly.

"Even if that's true…" Shouto goes quiet for a moment, as if considering the words that have likely been plaguing him for who knows how long, and Izuku waits, leaning up to bump their noses together and kissing his cheek. "What if I never… sought you out? If I never realised how important you are or we never told each other how we felt?"

Those words give Izuku pause and he pulls back slightly, a small sense of loss opening up right under him and consuming him in a matter of seconds. He feels himself slowly sinking, his heart growing heavier and his throat tighter but he grasps at the edges of their previously peaceful atmosphere, holding on for dear life and hoping to chase the despair away before it starts eating at him.

"But you did, we did…"

Izuku whispers softly, choked, his eyes welling up at the possibility of not being in Shouto's arms right now, of never having been in them. And suddenly he's back in middle school, back to being quirkless and not having the means to get to where he is right now. Suddenly he's never even met Shouto because he never got One for All and never amounted to anything, never achieved any of his dreams. Izuku is still just quirkless and useless Deku, and not the Deku 'who can do it'. Shouto is still bitter and filled with icy hatred and they're both miserable and with no one to help them push past their pain and come out from the suffocating despair.

A call of his name pulls him back from his spiralling thoughts and he notices with a start that Shouto's face is blurry, quickly wiping at his eyes to get rid of the tears that are spilling down his cheeks. Yet, no matter how many times he swipes the back of his hand or his palm over his face, the tears just keep coming, burning tracks down to his chin only to drip onto a growing stain on his shirt. Izuku mumbles through a string of apologies even as Shouto's face twists with overwhelming guilt.

"I didn't mean to upset you…"

Immediately, Izuku shakes his head at those words, wanting nothing more than to take that remorse from his boyfriend's voice, to soothe that pain that shines so obvious in those mismatched eyes. How can he do that when he's suddenly drowning in his own unresolved anguish, though? How can he tell him he's okay and everything's fine when he suddenly feels like everything is crumbling just because he got caught up in another 'what could have been'?

"I'm sorry… I just…"

A hiccup breaks through him and Izuku hides his face in his hands, turning the other way even as Shouto holds him closer to his chest, the tension in his muscles returning and his temperature quickly dropping. Izuku can feel Shouto's heart drumming against his ribcage and his own breaking slightly at how he's no doubt letting the fear take hold once more.

"Izuku… I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you… I'm sorry I said anything…" Everything about the way he speaks makes him seem small, like the shame he hears in every single dip of his voice is crushing him into nothingness.

"No!" The word comes out strangled and urgent, spilling from Izuku's lips before he can even think to reel his own panic back in. "Please, Shouto… This isn't—it's not your fault, I just—" A small laugh, dripping with bitterness and completely devoid of any humour, breaks out of him. "I really don't know how to stop being a cry-baby, huh? All Might's going to scold me again…"

Trying to hold back the sobs, Izuku rubs the back of his arm over his eyes, levelling his breathing as best he can and then taking Shouto's hand in his, trembling fingers lacing together as he gathers his thoughts.

"I started thinking about what my life would be like if I never… if my quirk… Who would I be then?"

He can't quite bring himself to verbalise his thoughts, the truth of the matter hiding just underneath them, all the years of feeling inadequate and working hard for something that would likely never come to pass. Izuku feels like the luckiest person, but sometimes he can't help but think that, had he not been so lucky, had circumstances been just slightly different, he would be nothing… Hearing Shouto's doubts only brought that overwhelming feeling to the surface when he spent his every waking moment trying to ignore it.

A cold hand rests gingerly under his chin, trembling but careful fingers lifting Izuku's face up and turning it just enough so that they can look into each other's eyes. There's something in those summer storm eyes, shining brightly with the threat of tears, that makes Izuku's heart squeeze, that makes his breath catch in a broken sob as he covers his mouth to muffle the tiny whimpers.

"You'd still be you… You'd still be the kind and selfless you that strives to help anyone you can, who would sacrifice anything and everything if you thought for just a second that it would save just one person…" Shouto chokes out, his quivering hand travelling to Izuku's cheek, letting him lean into the touch and blink the tears from his eyes. "I'm an idiot…"

Izuku stares at him, drinking in the light that sheens in that icy blue and clouded grey, the hopeful glint consuming the terrified dullness that was there before it. He can practically see Shouto's soul, feeling every ounce of strength it takes for him to push against the dread, to ignore the guilt and crush the doubt. Izuku holds on to every single look, every single breath.

"There's no use in this, is there?" Shouto whispers, his cool breath crashing into Izuku's flushed cheeks, washing him in what he thinks might be relief if he just allows himself to feel it. "What could have happened doesn't matter, does it? We're here… We're together and we are who are because of what got us here." Shouto's other hand comes to rest over Izuku's chest, his heart beating hard and frantically against his palm. "But at our core, we'd still be the same, right? You'd still be the person I love…"

There's a flutter of butterflies in Izuku's stomach, his heart stuttering before starting on a desperate race to beat right out of his chest and his breath getting caught in his throat along with the lump that's suddenly formed there. It feels just a little bit like a dream, like what he heard isn't really what Shouto said, and he has to repeat it inside his head a few times before coming to any conclusions. And yet, the more he finds himself wanting to believe he heard it right, there's that little part of him that says _no, you're just hearing what you want_.

"Say that again, please..." He croaks, hand gripping Shouto's where it still rests over his chest, shaking beyond reason.

Shouto's eyes widen slightly and it seems like it's just dawned on him what he's said too, Izuku trying his best not to let himself fear that he may think it was a mistake. Red floods his cheeks, the hand on Izuku's face falling to his shoulder as Shouto brings his gaze down to a corner of the room, the inside of his cheek taken hostage between his teeth.

"Y-you're the person I love... I-I love you, Izuku..."

Emotions flood Izuku's being, one right after another, barrelling into him like water from a broken dam: shock, disbelief, doubt, fear, anxiety, uncertainty then understanding, relief and elation... He's overtaken by such unbridled joy, such devastatingly wonderful euphoria, that he chokes on all of it. His expression twists and his vision clouds with a fresh rush of tears that fall freely from the corners of his eyes, his very core trembling as he twists in Shouto's arms to throw his own around his neck.

He tries to speak past the sobs but all that comes out of his mouth are garbled noises, unintelligible mumbles that not even he can make sense of. Startled, Shouto carefully holds him back, the trembling of his hands obvious even when Izuku himself is shaking with every broken breath that tears through him. The words are on the tip of his tongue but they get drowned out by his gasps, muffled by Shouto's skin as he buries his face in the crook of his neck, his lips pressing over his pulse point and feeling the blood rushing with each beat of his heart.

His name sounds as a question that hardly reaches his ears, strangled by surge of feelings that threatens to drown them and Izuku clings tighter to Shouto. Izuku holds on for dear life, for fear of it all being nothing but the tricks of his tired mind, that he's fallen asleep halfway through that movie and none of this is actually real. Yet the tug of Shouto's fingers tangled in his messy curls is just a little bit painful, his breaths burn down his throat from holding back tiny wails and it all feels like too much for it to be fake.

It feels like their confession all over again, a mess of tears and emotions, the lingering fear of rejection even after they've both laid it all out in the open, bared themselves to one another, vulnerable but trusting. Except this time, it's so much more intense, so much more meaningful, because now they've given just a little more of their hearts away for the other to keep, and Izuku wants to cherish Shouto's, to keep it safe and treasure it like the precious gem it really is. And he would give all of his for him to do with what he pleased without a second thought, willing to put all of his life in his hands because he knows he would return his care in kind.

The words won't leave his trembling lips, but Izuku hopes he knows anyway, from the way his fingers curl in Shouto's hair, pulling him as close as he can to feel his warmth seeping right into his skin. He hopes he can feel it with every fibre of his being from how he sinks into his embrace as if his are the only hands that can keep him from falling further into the abyss and losing himself in the feeling. Izuku is drowning out of water and he never thought it would feel so wonderful, never did he think he would feel this happy being consumed by someone else's love while pouring all of his onto him in return.

For now, he can't quite say it, but the weak little breathless laugh that shakes its way past Izuku's ear is enough to know he doesn't have to.


	5. Omens

It's wonderful, what a few words can do to change the way someone looks at life. Shouto had already learned that on their first year at U.A., how just a simple set of words could turn his world upside down and just make everything different, so much better than it was before. It had started him on a path to accepting who he was, something he never thought possible before; not with the shadow of a man much larger and ruthlessly overpowering cast onto him, snuffing out any part of him that may try to shine through.

Simple yet powerful words broke the ice walls around him into millions of shimmering shards, shining beautiful lights everywhere he looked, reflected in vibrant greens all around.

It's wonderful how a few words can have such an impact. An entire week of anxiety, riddled with doubts and insecurities, with fear of making a mistake bigger than the last, one he couldn't take back with an apology and a med-kit; all of it blurred with the whisper of a few words.

 _"I love you too, Shouto…"_

It didn't matter that it had taken the good part of an hour for Izuku to finally say it, to finally calm down his ragged breaths and rub the last of the tears from his red and puffy eyes. The whole time, Shouto had felt warm in his embrace, finally accepting that he couldn't stay stuck in the past, to dwell on his actions from back then instead of moving forward towards better ones. If they ever wanted to find their happiness together, they had to move past their fears, face them head on and strive to be a better version of themselves tomorrow than they were yesterday. No matter what could have happened.

 _"You're right, we'd still be us. But we get to be us together, here and now, and that's all I want. Shouto, I'm so happy…"_

There's warmth in both Shouto's chest and flooding his cheeks as he walks out of his mother's room, replaying everything that had spewed out of his mouth unfiltered, his joy too much for him to hold back. In retrospect, telling her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Izuku may have been laying it on a little too thick, but he couldn't bring himself to say it was just a silly bliss-induced delusion, that he was so drunk on feeling loved that he wasn't thinking straight. The words felt a little too honest for him to take them back as soon as he realised they were out in the open but that didn't mean he wasn't embarrassed about saying them anyway, especially to his mother. She'd never let him live it down. And Fuyumi would definitely be the first to know about it, and then she'd tell Natsuo which meant he was going to…

Shouto shakes his head fervently, trying not to think about the absolutely mortifying scenarios his mind is offering with each step he took further away from the hospital.

Still, the corners of his lips keep tugging upwards, his cheeks sore from how much he's been smiling this past few days. His face is certainly not used to it and Shouto doesn't quite know if he should feel bad about that, but he doesn't want to dampen a good mood for no reason. He'd been doing too much of that his whole life already.

So, he allows himself to bask in the feeling, slowly making his way back to the dorms and enjoying the fresh air along the way, stuffy as it may be from the summer heat. He checks the time on his phone, just nine minutes past four. It's not so late, so he stops by a little shop before he actually goes to the train station, buying some of Izuku's favourite sweets and sending him a text saying he'll be back soon.

The sun is still high in the sky, shining warmly on his cooled skin, and Shouto can't help but let his mind wander as he walks, to Izuku's face lit up with the brightest of smiles even though his cheeks are stained from all those tears. His thoughts drift but Izuku is always in them, always with a light pink dusted over his freckles when he laughs about something particularly amusing that one of their friends did or said, or when Shouto leans in to kiss one of the many constellations they form. Green eyes shine brighter than any star in the universe, especially when they look his way, gaze softening with a calm adoration that Shouto will never get used to yet can't bring himself to want to stop.

A small sigh falls from Shouto's lips as he pushes the door to _Heights Alliance_ open, going straight for the common room where Izuku is normally waiting for him, either studying or just relaxing with Uraraka or Iida after a training session that ran a little too long. He can't wait to take Izuku in his arms, to touch his lips to the top of his head and settle somewhere with him to enjoy his presence, quietly telling him all about his afternoon. Well, maybe he'll leave out the embarrassing parts…

He steps into the room, pulling his bag from where it hangs on his shoulder to drop it somewhere and freezes where he stands. There's no sign of the usual raucous chatter, just hushed whispers that stop as soon as he's through the entrance, and Shouto feels the temperature drop along with his stomach.

Everyone's eyes are on him, eyebrows pulled together in concern, apprehension or, worst of all, pity. The atmosphere is heavier than the sudden weight on Shouto's shoulders. They're looking at him like someone just died.

Scanning the room, his gaze falls on a pair of crimson eyes, the only ones who look just the same as they always do, hard and annoyed, _inconvenienced_. Bakugou's face is just as angry as usual, though it's riddled with cuts and bruises, his upper lip torn and one of his eyes swollen. His arms don't fare much better, wrapped in some bandages that are somewhat stained a dirty red in certain places, and one can only imagine what the hell else is going on underneath his clothes. He's certainly standing a little awkwardly, leaning against one of the couches like it hurts to hold his weight on his left leg.

And as if that wasn't already strange enough, there's just one tiny detail that makes that whole image so much more horribly wrong: Izuku is nowhere to be found.

Shouto takes another look around, a question in his eyes that no one seems to be answering no matter how long the minutes stretch. Uraraka avoids his gaze, letting it flit from him to Bakugou before falling to the floor as she holds onto her elbow. When Shouto looks towards Iida, he adjusts his glasses on his face before taking a deep breath, starting on his way towards him but still not really saying much of anything.

"What's going on?" Shouto finally asks, his body tense and his heart caught in his throat, any happiness he'd felt just moments before finally dissolving into a bitter cold consuming his insides.

Then, Bakugou clicks his tongue and Shouto's attention snaps to him, focusing on his face and seeing only the years Izuku has told him all about and how it was normally his face sporting such injuries. Against all reason, Shouto's blood boils as his legs propel him towards Bakugou in an instant, rage burning in his veins and simmering just under his skin, wisps of smoke already raising from his left arm.

" _What happened? Where's Izuku?_ " Shouto seethes, hissing when he feels himself pulled back just inches from the other's face.

"Listen here, half'n'half-"

"Katsuki."

Kirishima warns Bakugou, one arm placed over his chest and keeping him from getting any closer to Shouto. Iida's voice sounds just behind him, a call of his name that Shouto forces himself to focus on even as the low 'tch' out of Bakugou's mouth only seems to spur his anger. He watches him run a hand through his spiked hair, huffing out an annoyed breath that ignites his ire further.

Shouto looks straight into his eyes, lips pulling back in a sneer without really knowing what he's about to say, and he catches himself when he sees the glint of something unusual in them, unusual yet so overwhelmingly familiar. Taking a deep breath, he stops resisting and turns to Iida, trying to make sense of whatever he's saying and hearing the words 'hospital' and 'unconscious'.

Blinking, Shouto tries to reel his anger back in, to stop it from addling his mind and making it hard to think past the irrational assumption that Bakugou is responsible for whatever is going on.

"Todoroki-kun…" Uraraka places a hand on his shoulder and he stares at it for a moment, everything slowly falling into place as he finally processes everything Iida had just been telling him.

"What happened to him? T-to them?" He adds the last part, his eyes darting towards Bakugou once more, but noticing how his posture reads defeat rather than arrogance.

"There was a villain attack." Iida says shortly.

"Deku-kun jumped right into the fray… You know how he is." Uraraka adds lowly, squeezing Shouto's arm in sympathy.

"Shitty nerd got in way over his head. I happened to be passing by and tried to handle it. Didn't go that fucking well as you can probably see." Bakugou finishes, crossing his arms over his chest and clicking his tongue again.

As irritating as the gesture may be, Shouto can now tell that it's more of a nervous habit than an intentional diss.

He opens his mouth to say something but nothing really comes out but for a shaky breath. Once more, he takes in the rest of their classmates, the few that are there beyond those closest to Izuku, and there's that same fearful look on all of their faces, almost as if they're afraid to let him know anything else.

Uraraka and Iida turn towards Bakugou, who starts staring at the floor as if it's suddenly the most interesting thing in the room, expression twisted with a frustrated sense of shame that Kirishima tries to ease with a firm squeeze of his shoulder. Shouto flinches at the scene, letting out a trembling sigh and putting aside his own pride.

"I apologise for losing my cool... I just..."

"Whatever IcyHot. I get it. Should fucking blow your head off for it but I get it."

Nodding weakly, Shouto tries to keep his knees from giving in, his right side from freezing over completely, and steps a little further away from everyone else. He doesn't want anyone to be caught up in the middle if he loses control again. The room is unbearably silent as he swallows around the lump in his throat and exhales a puff of frost.

"How is he, then? What happened to him? Did he go overboard again? I thought he'd… That he'd stopped…"

His voice breaks slightly and Shouto has to blink away the blur in his vision, pushing down all the images flashing before his eyes. All the possible worst-case scenarios pop into his mind, one more gruesome than the last, each and every one ending with Izuku horribly mangled and unable to be the hero he so desires to become, to continue being the hero he already is. It takes every ounce of willpower in his body for Shouto to shake the thoughts out, the bile from rising in his throat with the dread that sinks into him slowly but surely, each new icy claw digging its way into his chest and taking his breath away.

"Pretty banged up, but stable, last I heard. They sent me home after they made sure I didn't have any serious injuries, said it was fucking pointless to stay there when he's not even awake so I figured I'd let everyone know he should be fine." Bakugou finally replies, easing at least some of the all-consuming fear inside him.

"And it wasn't Deku-kun's fault either. Just a troublesome villain with a troublesome quirk…"

" _Puppet master_ , he called it. Fucking asshole was using civilians against us. We couldn't fight back without hurting innocents. By the time I got there, Deku was already beaten half to death and he wouldn't let me do anything in spite of it."

Shouto runs a quivering hand through his hair, staring at it when he notices it covered in a sheen of glassy crystals that slowly spread all the way up his arm. Iida places a hand on his back awkwardly, trying to offer some comfort even though that isn't really his strong suit. Just as he's about to warn him, to ask him to please stay way, Uraraka walks up to him and throws her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a tight hug and whispering reassurances into his ear.

At first, Shouto isn't sure how to react, his muscles locking in place and panic quickly setting in, his breaths becoming short and ragged, painful as they freeze their way up his throat. He thinks of possibly hurting her when she's only trying to help, which only seems to make everything worse, harder to handle.

"He'll be fine, Todoroki-kun. Deku-kun is strong, he just got a little bit overwhelmed but he'll wake up in no time and get back. And then we can all scold him for jumping into trouble without considering the consequences."

The words breathe some calm into Shouto's veins and he squeezes his eyes shut, reeling the unpleasant coldness back in.

"Again…" Iida adds with a somewhat irritated push of his glasses.

Uraraka pulls back and offers him a small yet well-meaning smile. "Again."

"For someone so incredibly smart, Midoriya-kun can really be air-headed."

The corner of Shouto's mouth twitches for barely a second. "Yeah… He really can…"

"Are you okay?"

"Not really, but I'll be fine. Which hospital is he at?"

"They won't let you in, half'n'half." Bakugou grunts, settling down on a couch with a low groan. "He's supposed to be fucking resting anyway."

"Well, I'm still going. I… I need to be there when he wakes up."

His friends exchange a glance, likely taking his unwavering tone as an accurate indication that he won't back down no matter what they might say. Rolling his eyes, Bakugou digs his phone out of his pocket and types something out before throwing it unceremoniously to the other side of the couch. Shortly after, Shouto's pocket vibrates with a text and he doesn't waste another second to walk the way he'd just come with a word of gratitude and an absent farewell as Iida and Uraraka stare after him with concern.

With each minute that passes, Shouto feels the ice creeping further over his skin, making it somewhat hard to breathe and even harder to move. Still, he keeps pushing past the painful sting of the frostbite, holding his left hand over his side in a futile attempt to get his temperature back up. He knows for a fact that's not going to happen until he knows for sure that Izuku is okay – or as okay as he's going to be, anyway –, but he tries despite that, Izuku's displeased frown berating him in his mind even when he's the one getting himself nearly killed every month.

As he bursts through the hospital's front doors, he goes straight for the reception, asking the lady stationed there for any information regarding Izuku's state. Just as he's being told that she can't tell him anything because he's not immediate family, Shouto jumps at the feeling of someone's hand on his shoulder.

"Shouto-kun?" Bright green eyes stare back into his, filled with an exhausted concern that only seems to bleed into sympathy the longer he keeps looking into them.

"M-Midoriya-san…"

She places her hand over his cheek and Shouto notices how numb his face has become, how far out of control his quirk has gotten without him realising it. The short woman takes his hand and pulls him to one of the chairs in the crowded waiting room, handing him the coffee she was holding so that she can shrug off her cardigan and drape it over his shoulders.

"You are quite literally freezing, try to warm yourself up. I'll get another one for me."

Midoriya is gone before he even has the chance to protest, so he sits back, knowing very well that she's just as stubborn as her son and there's no use in arguing to begin with. The coffee tastes absolutely awful, but it runs hot down his throat and spreads some semblance of warmth across his chest. It's not long before she settles by his side, sitting right on the edge of the uncomfortable plastic chair so that she can place her feet on the floor. They both sigh heavily, the noisy room swallowing the sound just as soon as it tips from their lips.

"He's not awake yet," she takes a sip of her own coffee and grimaces at the bitter taste, "but the doctors say he's okay. It's just the painkillers."

Shouto nods minutely, the silence stretching between them until he finally brings himself to break it, shifting with the discomfort of his dampening clothes. "How long have you been here?"

"Just a few hours. You were visiting your mother today, right? How is she?"

"She's doing great."

Izuku's mother smiles a little, then takes another small sip and hands him a visitor's card. "He's on the third floor. Fifth room on the right."

Shouto is already halfway to the elevators, cardigan left on the seat, before he twists on his heels and runs back to bow at her. He thanks her profusely then quickly paces all the way there again, frantically pushing the call button until the doors finally open and repeating the process on the other side. He doesn't know what to expect when he comes to the room, not really wanting to think the worst but also not allowing himself to hope for the best. Shouto has seen Izuku injured plenty of times, bedridden and hooked up to countless machines, wrapped in bandages, covered in casts, unconscious or awake. This was really nothing new.

And yet it never gets any easier, no matter how many times it has happened.

In a way, that's not really a bad thing. Getting used to seeing Izuku like that is something he hopes to never do. He doesn't want to become numb to his partner's pain, doesn't ever want to be indifferent, as if it's just another regular day for him. As frequent as it may be, Shouto will never stop worrying over him.

Stopping just before he reaches the room, Shouto takes a few deep breaths, drinking the rest of the lukewarm coffee before it starts freezing in his hand and throwing the cup into the nearest trashcan. Without another moment to waste, he steps inside, stopping just past the threshold with his heart caught in his throat.

Izuku is lying there, on a hospital bed, the steady beeps of the heart monitor the only sound echoing in the mostly empty room.

Thankfully, it's a private room. Shouto doesn't exactly want witnesses to the way his knees give slightly and he has to hold himself up against the table by the door. This way there will be no victims to the ice that quickly spreads across the wall and floor both.

 _He's seen worse days, don't lose control._

True as that thought may be, the deathly pale tint of Izuku's skin is entirely out of place on what should be a sun-kissed tan. The bandage over his left eye makes Shouto's breaths short with how closely it resembles a look he's tried to forget, freshly out of the hospital and still feeling like his entire skin is melting off, blistering and bursting like burning rubber. For a second, Shouto thinks he can smell the searing flesh. Shaking his head only serves to make it spin even more and he slides down to the floor, sitting down and allowing himself a few minutes to bury those memories right back where they came from.

Shouto forces himself to his feet and drags a chair next to Izuku's bed, gently taking his right hand with the utmost care as not to disturb the IV drip stuck to it.

If Bakugou looked worse for wear, then Izuku certainly got the shorter end of the stick. Beneath the hospital gown, Shouto could see countless bandages peeking through, any exposed skin riddled with dark purple bruises. There's a large patch on his neck, right where his jugular is, and he can only imagine how many stitches its hiding. His lips are torn and a little chapped and his mouth slightly parted, which gives Shouto some respite. _At least he's breathing on his own._ _Nothing seems broken either._

Tears prickle at his eyes and Shouto blinks them away, yet more follow soon after. Lowering his head, he touches his forehead to Izuku's scarred knuckles, biting back sobs that threaten to break through him. It always hurts to see Izuku like this, it always cuts him deep and leaves him just a little breathless.

It's pointless, knowing Izuku's dreams, but Shouto wants to swear to every deity he knows of that he will never let this happen again, just like he does every single time it happens. He wants to protect Izuku with everything he has, to never let him suffer injuries this severe, to stop him from ever having to be stuck in a hospital bed for lord knows how long. If he could, Shouto would never let Izuku get hurt at all. He knows it's impossible, knows that he shouldn't make promises that he's bound to break, but he still silently vows to do everything he can to make sure it doesn't happen.

A soft squeeze of his hand stops Shouto's train of thought and he lifts his head to look up into one half-lidded eye, a somewhat dull sheen to the usually vibrant green. Izuku's lips are pulled into a tender smile that still manages to look bashful despite the sorry state of his face.

"Hey…" Izuku's voice is hoarse, sounding like he hasn't used it for days even if they'd talked just that morning before Shouto left to go see his mother. And to think he'd been so happy then.

"You're an idiot."

The smile stays on his face even as he flinches slightly at Shouto's outburst. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Your mother is worried sick. _I'm_ worried sick. What part of 'you're supposed to report incidents to the authorities, not jump into whatever trouble you see' don't you understand? You're still on a provisional license, they can easily take that away from you. And that's not even the point! Look at you! You could get _killed_ , Izuku!"

"I know…"

"Then why do you keep doing stupid things like this?"

Shouto's voice breaks with a sob and he lets his head fall back to the top of Izuku's hand. He feels trembling fingers run through his hair, comforting him even when Shouto should be scolding him further, making him see how reckless he is, how much he hurts everyone who cares about him by getting himself hurt.

"I can't help it… My body moves on its own."

" _Bullshit._ " Shouto hisses through the tears. He fixes Izuku's gaze once more, jaw tensed and wet eyes hard. "You're the smartest person I know. You can _think_ your way out of the worst situation possible so that none of your friends end up getting hurt. Why can't you do the same when it's just you? You're important too! To me, to everyone! Promise me that you won't get yourself killed like this!"

It's unfair to ask something like that, Shouto knows, but he can't stop himself from doing it, from demanding that Izuku think a little before acting when it seems like it's just his life on the line. He needs to hear him say he won't do this again, that he'll be more careful, more responsible, and consider the consequences of his actions. All he gets is Izuku avoiding his gaze, looking down at their joined hands before letting out a shaky breath and humming.

"Izuku…"

"I—" He bites on his bottom lip as Shouto waits for him to keep going, staring him down, cold eyes unwavering. "I promise to do my best to live out as many days by your side as I possibly can…" He says slowly.

"That's not enough." Shouto chokes out.

It would never be enough, Shouto realises. However many days they have together will never be enough, it will always feel like too little, nowhere near what they need to truly know and appreciate everything about one another. There will always be more that they could have done, more that they wanted to say, more that they wanted to live. And it doesn't really matter if Izuku promises him what he really wants, to live out a long and happy life with him; because there's no way to truly guarantee he can keep that promise, no way to stop things they have no control over.

"Then I… I promise that I'll spend whatever days that come after with you as well…"

Shouto's expression twists and the sight of Izuku hazes. He shakes his head weakly. "That's not enough…"

They fall into a heavy silence, the temperature of the room dropping drastically as ice crawls over Shouto's skin just under his clothes, creeping past the invisible line that separates his dual quirk and setting even on his left side. The tears turn to crystals running down his cheek in a way that someone might call beautiful, but Shouto just feels numb, like every nerve in his body is dulled. His chest aches, though, when everything else is nothing but pins and needles, his heart clenches painfully and suffocates him.

Izuku tightens his hold on Shouto's hand and pulls it up, letting it rest over his stomach with a wince. Shouto dreads to think of whatever lies beneath it, yet his attention is drawn to Izuku's face instead, tilted slightly as he lets his head rest on the pillow, his visible eye looking at him with overwhelming fondness.

"I know Shouto… I'm so sorry for putting you through this… But you know that all I can really promise is that I'll keep loving you for as long as I am by your side. I know it doesn't feel like enough… But it's the only promise I know I can keep."

A tired sigh tumbles from Shouto's lips but he nods all the same, recognising the truth in his words. Izuku has always been honest, always strived to be fair and honour his promises. Shouto can't really do much about it either. Their lives as heroes will never be easy, they will never truly be safe. They aren't now, as students, and it's only bound to get worse the longer they follow in their careers. There's no real way to get around it. For as long as they are heroes and even after they retire – assuming they will even make it that far – there will be targets on their backs.

That doesn't mean Shouto will ever stop trying to keep Izuku out of trouble if it's quite literally the last thing he does. In retrospect, he's a little hypocritical but, really, who isn't when it comes to the people they love?

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Shouto stands up and leans closer, brushing his lips against Izuku's for a moment before returning to his seat with one last promise.

"I swear to all that is holy that I will kill you if you dare to die before me." He breathes.

Izuku smiles at him and leans back against the pillows, closing his tired eyes with a sigh. "That sounds fair."


	6. Threads

Izuku returns to the dorms much sooner than he might have, had it not been for Recovery Girl's intervention soon after Shouto had left his room so that he could make it back before curfew. The healing had pretty much knocked him out for the day but he'd had to endure a good ten minutes of yet another lecture on why this was the last time she was going to do it. It went like that pretty much every time, but Izuku could tell that, even if it wasn't her job to treat people, she couldn't bear to see any of her patients in pain. Which isn't to say her anger was any less scary regardless.

Right after he woke up, he had to sit through another hour or so of tearful scolding from his mother, which, to be completely fair, was more than deserved. He _did_ tell her that he wouldn't worry her, but that was just wishful thinking. She worried when he walked to the store to get groceries or supplies, for goodness' sake… Never mind the fact that that was exactly how he got mixed up in that villain attack this time. And on his first year before the culture festival…

Still, Izuku can't help but feel guilty, worrying everyone like this. He owes it to them to be a little more careful.

With a little sigh, Izuku goes into the empty dorms, all of his classmates still finishing the last of their lessons for the day, and allows himself a little time in the showers, mentally preparing himself for the reprimands he's bound to hear from his best friends. And Shouto. Again.

He meets his reflection's gaze in the mirror, a faint reddish scar travelling all the way from the centre of his forehead to his left cheek, passing just by the corner of his eye. Izuku traces the line with his fingers, the water still dripping from his wet curls and running along it. It should still be raw, he did get it just yesterday, but all it feels is a little numb, the tissue thick and bumpy, just like all the others. _A little higher and I could be blind right now…_

"Izuku?"

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Izuku turns around towards the entrance of the communal showers, coming face to face with mismatched eyes filled with concern. Shouto is staring straight at him, making him feel like a deer caught in headlights without knowing how to react. When his boyfriend stalks over to him Izuku startles, gasping when his hands cup his face and a cold thumb brushes over the bottom of his newly added scar.

Izuku blinks up at him, jaw slacking as Shouto inspects every inch of the thin line, his lips dipping into a frown. Before he can even think to say anything, Shouto leans down and gently kisses the scar right where it dips down his nose, pulling back with sorrow written all over his features.

"My favourite freckle is gone…" He mumbles quietly, sounding so unbearably disappointed that Izuku almost laughs.

Despite the borderline ridiculous statement, there's a deep sadness swimming in those blue grey eyes, threatening a summer storm that could cry for days. A warm hand tangles in his damp hair and Izuku lets his eyes flutter shut for just a moment, closing the distance between them to wrap his arms around his boyfriend's waist and pull him close. An apology is once again at his lips but the only response he gets is a small shake of Shouto's head on top of his, followed by a chaste kiss as he continues to pet him in that familiar way that has almost become routine after he showers.

They break apart shortly after so that Izuku can actually get dressed, a warning left behind as Shouto walks out to the common room. "Iida and Uraraka want to talk to you."

A cold shiver runs down his spine and Izuku isn't certain if it's the loss of Shouto's warmth or the anxiety settling in his stomach, his best friends' icy glares already stabbing through him when they're not even in the same room.

Izuku sneaks into the common room, light on his feet, somewhat hoping that he can just grab Shouto without them noticing. He's just tired from the healing, they'd understand that he wants to get some rest after Shouto hands him the study packets from the day he missed, right? After all the exams are right around the corner and he really can't afford to fall behind. Besides, he already knows what they're going to say… It's not like he hasn't heard the same thing three times in the last twelve hours already, anyway.

Iida and Uraraka have their backs turned to him. Kacchan is sitting on the couch between Kirishima and Kaminari paying attention to the game they're playing while Ashido is in the kitchen with Hagakure and Satou. Whatever those three are baking, it smells delicious. After he drags Shouto out, who's sat at one of the tables reading something, without them noticing maybe he can ask his boyfriend to bring him a slice. Or piece… Whatever it may be.

As luck would have it, Izuku trips on his own two feet – big surprise – and comes crashing down to the ground rather loudly, faceplanting the floors with a pained yelp. Any plans he may have had of actually being stealthy went straight out of the window but not even One for All could've gotten him out before Iida ran towards him and picked him up off the floor to sit him down beside Shouto. His friend glares down at him with all the disappointment of a scorned class president and Izuku smiles sheepishly at him.

"Hey, Iida-kun."

Aside from Iida, he can feel everyone else's eyes burning holes into his back and he twiddles his thumbs, awaiting his fourth – still deserved – lecture. Izuku flinches when Iida hits him lightly with a hand chop over his head before adjusting his glasses, yet his friend says nothing. Uraraka quickly joins him, her arms crossed over her chest and her head tilted expectantly, and Shouto nudges his side.

"I-I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. We know you've already heard the same thing plenty of times so we won't take more of your time."

"But first," Uraraka continues, taking his hand and pulling him up into a tight hug that Iida soon adds to, "you're an idiot."

Izuku chuckles into her hair. "So I keep hearing."

When he looks up, Kacchan is also standing there picking at a bandage on his arm. Izuku opens his mouth to thank him but immediately shuts it back up with a click of his teeth as soon as he narrows his eyes at him, staring from his face to Shouto's behind him. Eyes widening in realisation, Izuku moves to stop him from saying the very thing that's just popped into his own mind but with his friends still hugging him all he manages to do is lift his hands defensively.

"I know that you two nerds are pretty serious about each other, but matching scars are a little fucking much."

Izuku cranes his neck just in time to see Shouto rolling his eyes at the comment but not do anything to protest it, much to his relief, standing up and picking up his school bag from where it's sitting by his feet. Uraraka and Iida squeeze him one last time and let Izuku finally walk up to his childhood friend and properly thank him. All things considered, if it weren't for him coming in when he did, Izuku would likely not be standing here, surrounded by the warmth of his friends, by their unwavering support even as his recklessness ages them beyond their years.

"Yeah, whatever shitty nerd. Next time try to get away _before_ they start ganging up on you."

"Next time?" Shouto mutters, jaw tensing and gaze hardening as he glares at both of them.

"Th-there won't be a next time…" Izuku sputters, scratching at the back of his neck.

"He says that, but everyone here knows it's utter bullshit." Kacchan grumbles, turning his back to him.

"W-well I… I'm gonna try to… Um…"

There's a chorus of heavy sighs from behind him and Izuku covers his reddening face with his arms before mumbling out yet another string of apologies. With a shake of his head, Shouto snakes his arm around his waist, pulling him flush against his left side and whisking him away towards his dorm. A little smile crawls up to Izuku's lips as he leans into his boyfriend with a satisfied little noise, apologising one last time and thanking him for being with him through it all. A tender kiss to his temple is all the reply Izuku needs, falling into his affection just as easily as Shouto does his own.

It's not long until Izuku's opening his mouth to yawn more often than to ask questions on the day's lectures and Shouto takes his notebook away from him and closes it, telling him to get some much-needed rest before kissing him and turning to leave. Izuku doesn't waste a single second to grab his shirt and stop him from going anywhere at all. A fiery eyebrow raises at him, but there's a smile tugging at the corners of Shouto's lips and Izuku grins right back at him.

"I know I don't deserve cuddles right now, but please?"

Sticking out his bottom lip for good measure, Izuku flashes him the most expectant of puppy dog eyes and watches as Shouto's resolve cracks as the seconds pass. A small cheer creeps its way out of his mouth when Shouto sighs and helps him up and onto the bed. They settle comfortably in each other's arms, Shouto propped against Izuku's pillows while the latter lies on his stomach, face buried in his navel. A pleased hum sounds from him as Shouto cards his fingers through his hair and he mumbles his adoration into his boyfriend's shirt.

The small chuckle that fills his ears is wonderful music that he feels he's spent much too long without hearing, no matter how recent the last time may have been. Shouto should really laugh more often, it's much too beautiful not to be heard.

Lifting his face to rest his chin right on Shouto's belly button, Izuku looks up at him with curious eyes, the end of the semester looming closer with summer vacation to follow after.

"So, what are you doing during for the holidays?"

Izuku almost gets whiplash with how quickly the gentle smile dips into a scowl, the temperature of his right side dropping considerably and prompting him into casually shifting his face over to the left. Shouto exhales a puff of frost then starts chewing on the inside of his cheeks, and Izuku knits his eyebrows together in concern, poking his side to get him to spill whatever is bothering him. Huffing once more, Shouto simply stares at a corner of the room for a moment before meeting his gaze again, caressing his face gently and tracing his newest scar methodically.

"I'm going to my old man's agency again."

"Ah…" Izuku nods in understanding then tightens his hold on Shouto's middle. "You don't have to do that if you don't want to. You know that, right? That you can say no?"

His frown deepens and he scoffs. "It's not him who's asking."

Tilting his head inquisitively, Izuku props himself up on his elbows, waiting for Shouto to clarify. For a few long heartbeats, silence stretches between them, until Shouto breathes out, opening and closing his left hand as he stares at it like it has personally offended his entire family, ancestors and all. Izuku takes it upon himself to take that look away from his face and simply rests his head on his then open palm, looking up into his face with a hopeful gaze.

Shouto narrows his eyes at him but lets out a somewhat amused huff nonetheless. "I'm trying to hone my skills further and he just so happens to be the best suited person to keep teaching me how to use my fire."

Izuku hums, a little happy that he keeps calling it _his_ fire. Still, he can tell that's not the end of it, keeping respectfully quiet.

"I don't know, I just… I feel like… What if this way I end up becoming a little too much like him? First, it's his fighting style, then it's his ruthlessness and then…"

As Shouto trails off Izuku shakes his head minutely, turning his head to kiss his wrist once, then again, returning to his previous position and using his stomach as a surprisingly soft pillow. He smiles tenderly up at his boyfriend, appreciating the way he warms up slowly in response to his affections.

"You will never be like Endeavor, Shouto. You're too kind. Your decision to work with him to be the best hero you can be only serves to show how much better you are than him." Shouto's lips twitch upwards as he brushes a few stray locks away from Izuku's eyes. "And besides, I'm pretty sure you got 75% of your mother's genes anyway."

The little snort that sounds from Shouto is one of the most adorable things he's ever heard and it makes his heart swell. "I don't think that's how genetics works."

"You're a genetic miracle already so, you never know. From what you tell me of her you sound much more alike than that man, in my opinion."

That seems to get Shouto thinking, staring off into the distance as the cogs turn inside his head. Izuku perks up, blinking up at him in expectancy but not wanting to disturb his thoughts. After a while, mismatched eyes dip down to look at him again, shining with new determination that makes Izuku's stomach flip pleasantly, nervous butterflies taking flight in his chest as his heart pitter-patters against his ribcage.

"I want you to meet her."

"H-huh?" Izuku gapes, not really following what he means.

"My mother… I think it's about time you finally meet her."

"Oh…" His mouth hangs open for a whole of ten seconds as he processes the suggestion, then jumping up onto his knees, eyes widening and heart vaulting right to his throat. " _Oh!_ "

Hand flying to his mouth, Izuku stares into Shouto's eyes, looking for any sign of mirth, anything that might indicate he's not being serious. But all he sees is his boyfriend's usually stoic expression, a glint in his gaze that betrays both his enthusiasm and mild anxiety and Izuku's pulse picks up even further.

Despite the fact that Shouto has met with Izuku's mother plenty of times already, even before they were together – they were good friends after all –, this seems like a much bigger step. Shouto talks about his mother constantly, letting him know how she's doing, how her recovery is coming along, what they talked about and did when he visits… Yet Izuku has always felt like meeting her personally would be stepping into more intimate territory, given the situation at hand.

"A-are you sure that's okay? I-I… Aren't visits restricted to family?" Izuku stumbles through his questions, unsure of what he's supposed to say and what needs to stay in his head, and Shouto just offers him a small smile.

"She's been pestering me to take you there, actually…"

As he swallows around the lump in his throat, it takes all of Izuku's will not to start tearing up. "I'd love to…"

* * *

Between not sleeping all night because of the nerves, getting up way too early and running about twenty laps around campus to pass the time – and work off some of that edge – until he's actually supposed to be getting ready, Izuku is a complete and utter wreck. Despite showering and slapping his cheeks to get some colour in them, he thinks he still looks too much like a zombie, way too pale and with dark circles under his eyes large enough to challenge Shinsou's or even Aizawa himself. Plus, it's not like he hates the scar but it's not exactly helping with this 'half-dead' look he's got going on.

And he hasn't even decided what he's going to wear. He can't exactly just go in sweatpants and a t-shirt that reads 'sheets' to meet _Shouto's mother_. What kind of first impression is _that_ going to give? She'll think he's a lazy slob, certainly not someone who deserves her wonderful and hard-working son's affections. What can he even wear? Does he have dress shirts? Is that too much? If he looks like he's trying too hard it may have the opposite effect.

"Oh god, she's going to hate me."

"I think that's actually impossible, Izuku."

Izuku jumps at the sound of Shouto's voice, stepping out from behind his closet to look at him with desperate eyes. A miserable whine crawls out of his throat and Shouto smiles at him for a moment, walking to his side and staring at his large selection of t-shirts and work-out shorts with a raised eyebrow.

"Just pick something."

"I can't 'just pick something' Shouto. I need to look nice."

"She won't care."

" _I care._ "

Letting out a huff of a breath, Shouto reaches into one of his drawers, pulling out a pair of dark jeans and then taking a plain white t-shirt and laying them over his bed. "There. Nice and casual. I'll go get breakfast ready."

Izuku simply stares at the clothes as if they've got all the answers to the universe's mysteries woven into their threads. It can't be that easy. His current panic refuses to let him believe it's that easy. He mouths an overwhelmingly grateful 'I love you' as Shouto walks out with a half-hearted wave and quickly changes to follow after him into the mostly empty common room.

As they're eating, Izuku keeps getting lost in his thoughts, mumbling into his food instead of actually eating it and not really paying attention to what's going on around him. He keeps going over topics he might touch on while they're with Shouto's mother, what he probably should avoid speaking about, anything that may be disrespectful or triggering or just plain uninteresting. He's not about to spend the whole time talking about the weather and how hot and stuffy it is, though having Shouto as a boyfriend sure helps in that department because cuddling his right side is exceptionally pleasing on a blazing afternoon… Yeah, better not.

His train of thought grinds to a halt when Shouto's thumb brushes just at the corner of his mouth, a fond little smile playing at his lips as he swipes at whatever piece of food is probably stuck to Izuku's cheek. He knows he's thinking way too much about this, that it's likely not as big of a deal as he's making it out to be, but it _feels_ so important. And knowing him he's probably going to screw it up somehow.

A loud groan tips from his lips as he buries his face in his hands for what feels like the millionth time that morning, praying for the ground to just swallow him up and take him out of his misery. After all he can't really make a fool of himself if he's not actually there – or alive – to do it. Shouto constantly telling him to relax is actually not really helping at all, instead making him freak out even more, new issues popping into his head that he still has no clue how to really address.

"I can't believe I'm going to meet your mother... How am I going to greet her? I need to be respectful… Should I call her Todoroki-san or is that…? Given the situation… I mean, I know your parents are _technically_ still married but all things considered, do you think she'd mind if I called her… If I called her…" Izuku trails off his eyes widening as a realisation slowly sinks in. "W-what's her given name? S-Shouto, I don't know your mother's given name." Turning to him, Izuku grabs Shouto by the shoulders and shakes him slightly. " _You never told me your mother's given name!_ "

The fact that his boyfriend is casually fighting an obnoxiously wide smile that is stupidly beautiful on his stupidly beautiful face is only making his irritation spike further.

"You never asked."

…and that just made it ten times worse. Izuku squeezes his shoulders tighter, glaring at him.

"I never as— _Shouto!_ Tell me your mother's name!"

Propping his head on one of his hands, Shouto grins at him, amusement written all over his face as those summer storm eyes stare right into his own. If Izuku wasn't busy being a confusing mix of panicked and annoyed, he might have just kissed that smirk off of him. And not because he still looks breathtakingly gorgeous.

"You are adorable when you're nervous for no reason." Izuku just glares harder and Shouto chuckles before reaching for his face and gently brushing the backs of his fingers over his cheek. "Rei. Her name is Todoroki Rei."

A light blush warms Izuku's cheeks as the blood sneaks up his neck and pools at his face at how loving Shouto looks in that moment, how his eyes shine brilliantly with a clarity he doesn't think he's ever truly witnessed. The small tip of his lips looks so natural despite how the other is more often than not sporting a neutral expression, mouth nothing but a thin line that looks bored beyond measure, and it makes him look even more stunning than Izuku is used to. It takes his breath away, how wonderful it is to see Shouto so relaxed, so amazingly content.

Izuku averts his gaze and looks down at his food, picking at it again as a little smile plays at his lips and his heart flutters in his chest.

"It's a pretty name… Do you think it would be okay for me to call her by it?"

Shouto nods his head in response and gets up to go wash his dishes while Izuku eats, stopping to kiss his nape before actually leaving.

After that, Izuku felt much more at ease, nervousness still gnawing at his insides but not so much a hungry monster as it was just a slightly uncomfortable flip of his stomach every once in a while. In theory, he should be okay to meet Rei without stuttering like an idiot or saying something utterly dumb, but instead he just freezes in front of the door to her room, pulling back Shouto's arm with a low squeak when he moves to open it.

Shouto sends him a questioning look and all Izuku can do is shake his head violently, holding on to his boyfriend's forearm so tightly he might actually be bruising him – is he using One for All by accident? He feels energy tingling in his fingers –, his breaths becoming a little short. He's not ready, she's going to take one look at him and deem him unworthy. Why? He has no idea yet, but it's bound to happen as soon as he steps inside; tripping on thin air, sputtering through her name and saying it wrong, opening his mouth and not actually talking and just standing there like a buffoon, _something_.

Long fingers run through his locks, cool lips brush against his temple and breath like a cold winter breeze blows past the shell of his ear. "You'll be fine. I promise she doesn't bite." Taking a deep breath, Izuku lets go of Shouto's arm and lets him turn the handle. "…much."

Izuku's eyes widen and his head snaps to stare at the snowy hairs falling over his eye, the teasing smirk in full display as he swings the door open and it's too late for him to protest, let alone freak out again. He stares from Shouto to the inside of the room, breath catching in his throat when he finds a thin woman with sunken but mesmerizing bright grey eyes staring at him from under the purest of snow white hairs that frame her face perfectly. Izuku suddenly knows exactly where all of Shouto's beauty comes from.

Rei's gentle smile inspires the same calm sense of joy as her son's, like they are something rare and so much more precious because of it, making him feel like he's been gifted the privilege to gaze upon such a tender beauty. It's the wisps of green peeking from underneath the white covered fields, a brush of spring awaiting on the other side of the winter's cold, the warm core of an icy exterior.

Recovering from his sudden awe, Izuku bows a little deeper than the situation might warrant yet still feels like it's not nearly enough. He almost falls right down to his knees but resists the urge, instead straightening back up with a stutter he curses himself for.

"R-Rei-s-san it's a p-pleasure to finally meet you!"

Her eyebrows quirk up momentarily at his greeting and Izuku's heart threatens to jump from the confines of his ribcage, dread washing over him like a bucket of ice water being dumped over his head as he thinks he's screwed up by actually using her given name. Instead, she smiles a little wider and gestures for them to walk the rest of the way in, sitting up from her chair and opening her arms as Shouto walks towards her and wraps her in a hug. Izuku tries not to let his relief be too obvious but the sigh that falls from his lips is just a little too loud in the otherwise quiet room.

Rei lets go of Shouto to turn to him bowing her head slightly as well.

"It's wonderful to meet you as well. Is it okay if I call you Izuku-kun?" He offers her a stiff nod and she beams at him. "I must say, the pictures Shouto showed me don't do you justice at all. But that might just be my son's terrible skills with a camera."

Izuku feels his face turn scarlet at the compliment, sputtering as he scratches at the back of his neck with an awkward laugh and tries to thank her without sounding conceited or like he doesn't appreciate it. It's surprisingly difficult to find the proper words when sometimes he has a hard time actually shutting up.

A harmonious laugh fills the room and Izuku finds himself once again staring with an open mouth and at a loss for what to say as Rei covers her face with her elegant hands.

"Shouto, did you tell him I was some stuck-up snob? He looks like he's afraid I'll eat his children."

"I told him no such thing, mother. Just that you don't bite much."

"Well of course that will scare the poor boy, why did you have to make it sound so ominous?"

Shouto shrugs and Izuku is left looking from one to the other and feeling like he's being left out of some joke. They all sit down per Rei's request and Izuku just fiddles with the hem of his shirt, his cheeks burning hot as he scrambles to think of what he can say, feeling small under the Todoroki's gazes. A cool hand rests over his and Izuku lifts his eyes to meet Rei's, the encouraging squeeze and smile both easing a fraction of the anxiety from his shoulders.

"I never really got to thank you for helping my Shouto." Izuku gapes as she lowers her head and Shouto lets out an embarrassed protest. "Izuku-kun, you have my eternal gratitude. Thank you for taking care of him in a way I never really could."

"R-Rei-san…" The lump in Izuku's throat grows with each second and he has to fight back the tears already building up in his eyes.

"Mom… Please."

"Hush, Shouto. It's my duty as your mother to show my appreciation for all the kindness he's shown you." A hiccup actually breaks through him and Izuku covers his flushing face with his free hand when she looks back up at him with concern in her eyes. "Oh dear, I apologise, did I say something I shouldn't? Or is this what you said about him having a fountain in his eyes? Shouto, help me."

"You're fine, mom."

"Thank goodness."

Izuku lets out a wet laugh and Shouto wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him to his right side and rubbing comfortingly at his own.

"Sorry, I c-cry a lot and very easily…"

"What a sweetheart. He's like a puppy, I adore him."

"Mom."

"What? It's true. How you can face villains is beyond me. You're much too adorable."

One thing was for certain: being close to bursting into tears from both overwhelming affection and embarrassment was not the first impression Izuku wanted to make. Then again, he hadn't expected Rei to be anywhere near this playful but he guesses that Shouto must have gotten his taste for teasing him from somewhere. He just always assumed it was because he is much too easy to fluster. Who knew it ran in the family? Suddenly he is much warier of meeting his older siblings too. Would they all gang up on him? Maybe the other Todoroki kids were milder…

"Natsuo might actually have some sympathy to offer. Fuyumi sure teases him a lot." Shouto comments absentmindedly, smiling as he rests his chin on Izuku's shoulder with mirth in his gaze.

"I was mumbling again, wasn't I?"

"It's really awfully cute, you weren't lying. I want to pinch his cheeks."

"Mom." There's a bright flush on Shouto's cheeks and Izuku marvels at the sight, completely ignoring all the evidence of how much his boyfriend talks about him to his mother. If he thinks too much about it, he might actually spontaneously combust.

"Shouto."

Izuku blinks at them, chest warming at how they bicker playfully with each other, completely at ease and comfortable with each other. He doesn't know how long it took for them to get here, to this relaxed atmosphere where the past stays behind the door and they focus only on the present with the promise of a better future ahead. It makes him feel at home, though, and he finds himself smiling through the bashful tears that escape the confines of his eyes as he leans into Shouto's embrace and enjoys the feeling with them.

Before they know it, they've spent hours in Rei's small room, time flying as they casually talk about anything and everything, Izuku still stumbling over his words whenever she asks him any questions. But she takes it in stride, smiling and encouraging him to keep talking even as he trails off on one of his many rants. He finds more and more things of hers in Shouto as they keep conversing, beyond the little smiles and warm gazes. It's the way they speak quietly but clearly, the way they listen contentedly to whatever he has to say, the way they carry the weight of worlds of pain on their shoulders but still manage to stand tall, with their head held high.

When they finally start on their way back to the dorms, Izuku can't help but feel like he knows Shouto just that little bit better.

"I was right." He says happily, snaking one arm behind Shouto's back as he hums in curiosity. "You definitely have 75% of your mother's genes."


	7. Cycles

**Note: Happy Birthday Midoriya Izuku, you're a great inspiration and, real or not, I love you with all my heart! ^-^**

"Is everything ready?" Shouto whispers into his phone, looking around the hall to make sure he's alone.

End of semester exams are looming over their heads like a dark cloud threatening heavy rain and everyone is busy freaking out about getting all their studying done lately. However, there's also a certain someone's birthday just before they finish up school for the summer holidays. About one week before the end of the semester, right before their last exams (including the ones pertaining to their hero training) and his boyfriend decides to get a year older. At the very least the fact that it's on a Sunday makes things decidedly easier but scrambling to plan out a surprise party while spending almost all of his time with Izuku has been driving Shouto near to madness. There were only so many excuses he could use to sneak around to take calls much like this one.

 _"Yeah, Satou just finished up the cake. It looks delicious by the way. I kind of want to eat it."_ Uraraka's voice chirps from the other end.

"Well don't. Is everyone else set?"

 _"Yep, don't take too long. Otherwise you can say bye-bye to the cake."_ And with that the call ends.

"Set for what?"

Shouto feels ice shooting straight up his spine when he hears Izuku from behind him, still haphazardly drying his hair with a towel as he steps out of the showers' locker room. For once, he is actually thankful for all the years he's had to practice keeping his emotions to himself, his eyes only widening slightly as he twists on his heels to face his boyfriend's amused grin. He carefully slides his phone into his pocket, trying not to act too stiff. It's a good thing Izuku can easily assume that he was just startled, though he should probably answer the question before he starts getting suspicious.

"Studying." Shouto says quickly, the lie already practiced for a moment such as this. "Iida decided to set up a group study for the coming exam week. I'm sorry that everyone's cramming on your birthday."

Izuku offers him one of his ever-bright smiles and waves a dismissive hand as he lets the wet towel hang from his neck, standing on the tips of his toes to place a gentle peck on Shouto's lips.

"It's alright, I understand. It's not their fault I was born on the most inconvenient time of the year."

Humming so that he doesn't actually let anything slip, Shouto returns the kiss with one of his own, taking his time to actually wrap his arms around Izuku's waist and pulling him close. They share a few more chaste pecks, Izuku giggling against his mouth whenever he keeps going back for more. It's only to keep up appearances really, after all Izuku is convinced that Shouto feels bad for not taking him somewhere special today or doing something fun with all of his friends. It surely has nothing to do with the fact that he's addicted to the soft touch of Izuku's mouth against his own, tempted to even swipe his tongue over his bottom lip and get a taste of him, to savour that sweetness that is unique to him and Shouto can never get enough of.

The towel starts slipping from Izuku's shoulders and neither of them seem to care enough to pick it up once it finally falls to the tiled floors, too focused on getting lost in each other's arms. That simple exchange, soft and slow, is enough to make Shouto forget anything else, to cloud his thoughts with a haze of overwhelming love and leaving no room for anything other than Izuku. All that hard work be damned, he has half a mind to just disregard everyone else and just sweep his boyfriend off his feet, carrying him to one of their dorms to keep him all to himself so that he can shower him in his love and give him all the affection he deserves. The others can have the cake for all he cares…

The loud ping of a new text coming from Shouto's phone is the only thing that manages to pull them apart, however reluctantly, and Izuku whines lowly at the loss. Shouto can certainly relate to that feeling. With a sigh, he checks the notification, seeing Uraraka's name flashing back at him and throwing his previous plans out the window. As much as he may want to be just a little selfish, Izuku cares about his friends too.

"We should get going. I think the others are waiting for us." Shouto finally breathes, bending down to pick up the fallen towel and drape it over his shoulder.

Taking his outstretched hand, Izuku pulls him back in for another kiss, letting his tongue slip past Shouto's lips for a few more delicious seconds, stealing all of his breath along with any semblance of composure, before parting and shooting him an extremely satisfied smirk.

"Okay, now we can go."

Shouto stands a little stunned, watching as the other starts on his way to the common room with a spring in his step that sets his heart to frantically drumming against his ribcage. With a quick shake of his head, he runs back to Izuku's side, not wanting him to get there before him. He feels his heartrate pick up even further, a bubble of nervousness bursting in his gut and spreading a cold feeling all the way to the tips of his fingers. A hint of excitement hides underneath the anxiety, though, mixing together with the little bit of pride swelling in his chest at the thought of Izuku's face when he finally sees all that he and his friends have done for him, how much they really care. He really hopes that Izuku will be happy, that he already is…

Lacing their fingers together, Shouto leans into Izuku, feeling his warmth seeping into his right side as they approach the entrance. He holds his breath as they cross the threshold, bracing himself for what's to come.

"Happy birthday!"

Their whole class erupts in cheers as soon as they're inside, jumping out from their terrible hiding places – even Hagakure was somehow visible, which is impressive, really – and moving towards Izuku with bright smiles on their faces.

"Oh, wow. This is amazing guys, I had no idea." Izuku smirks, voice a monotone that could rival Shouto's and dripping sarcasm. Shouto's stomach sinks slightly.

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew, Shouto. You're terrible at hiding things from me. It's really sweet though, thank you."

A frown tugs at his lips but Izuku's vibrant green eyes, lit with amusement and fondness, tug at his heart instead, pulling him in and away from everything else, and he smiles in spite of the mild disappointment. _As long as you're happy, that's all I care about._

"Oh, come on! Todoroki-kun you blew the cover!" Uraraka pouts, shoving his shoulder before crashing into Izuku and lifting him from the ground with a grunt as he squeaks. "And you! How dare you be so perceptive?! This is why we can't have nice things!"

"I am deeply sorry for the fact that I can see through my boyfriend like glass. Truly, it's a shame." Izuku replies with a giggle as she sets him down.

The others follow and Shouto steps aside slightly, chatting with Uraraka as she pokes his side and teases him for being so transparent. He just shrugs it off with a smile, watching as Izuku laughs, his eyes brighter than the most precious emeralds, filled with an unbridled joy as all of their friends and classmates congratulate him on staying alive yet another year. For Izuku this is really a feat, in all honesty. The scar faintly marked across his face is more than enough proof.

To his credit, however, he has managed to stay mostly out of trouble ever since, much to everyone's relief. It could just be that there really haven't been that many incidents lately, but Shouto can tell that Izuku is trying to be more aware of his actions, considering how to react before actually doing something reckless.

"Oi Deku…" Bakugou's voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he watches as the explosive blond rolls his eyes in exasperation when Kirishima shoves him towards Izuku with a jab to his ribs for good measure. "I'm going, for fuck's sake hair-for-brains, chill the fuck out."

Izuku is fighting off a grin as Bakugou clears his throat and scratches at the back of his head, mumbling a barely intelligible "Congrats on getting old or whatever" and Shouto can't help the small chuckle at the exchange either. He ignores the scarlet glare he gets for it, one that shines with a promise of a challenge soon to come. Maybe if he pretends he didn't see it Bakugou will just let it go. Unlikely, but one can dream.

Soon, the small crowd disperses and Izuku is back by his side with Iida and Tsuyu in tow, throwing his arms around his shoulders and pressing his lips to his cheek. Shouto kisses him back over the bridge of his nose, over the scar, to a chorus of 'aww's that are mostly from the girls though he's fairly certain one of them is actually Kouda. Reluctantly, he lets go and pulls away, not wanting to give their classmates even more of a show. His affections are meant for Izuku and him alone, not to be made some sort of spectacle of, even if he is overcome with the urge to shower him with them.

It's his birthday after all, shouldn't he do just that?

But Shouto resists the urge, letting Izuku be dragged away by Hagakure and Ashido towards a disorganised pile of gifts wrapped in silver age All Might wrapping paper, something that is sure to make his life a living hell for what's supposed to follow. He sits down and enjoys his fanboy of a boyfriend's struggle to unwrap every single present without tearing it in the slightest, turning the gifts in his hands and inspecting every piece of tape (which is also All Might themed, props to Yaoyorozu for finding that one) methodically. It's adorable, really, and Shouto makes sure that he's filming it so that he can look back on the absolutely charming way he sticks his tongue out and works the wrapping like the hardest puzzle he's ever had to solve.

"Careful, if you rip off All Might's head you've got seven years of bad luck ahead of you."

"That's breaking a mirror, Kaminari-kun." Izuku mumbles in response, flicking one of the discarded blue bows at his head with a short laugh before returning to the task at hand.

Letting out a breath of relief at his small triumph, Izuku throws his arms in the air victoriously, staring proudly at the feat and finally looking over all the gifts as the others point out who got him what. By the end, there's one large limited edition All Might figurine Izuku had been flirting with for the past month but couldn't afford that remains unclaimed, but two people have yet to make their gift known. Shouto shrugs when he looks at him and Izuku smiles knowingly at Bakugou.

"The fuck are you looking at, nerd?"

"Nothing." Izuku smirks wider and turns to everyone in the room. "Thanks guys! These are all really sweet. Shouto, I may need your room to display all the merch."

"Your room is already a mess."

"My point exactly."

"I should have bought you a display case." Iida muses and Izuku's eyes shine with the possibilities.

"That's a brilliant idea…"

Before he can devolve into a mumbling rant, his thumb already coming to rest over his bottom lip, Satou announces that he's going to the kitchen to retrieve the cake. Looking up from the distant point he'd been focusing on, Izuku springs to his feet with an idea shining in his gaze, and he saunters over to Shouto while strapping the black and green cape Tsuyu made for him around his neck. He strikes a pose and Shouto can't help but let out a short bark of laughter at it.

"What? Doesn't suit me?" He asks, wiggling his eyebrows at him and flexing his muscles.

"I don't know. I think that short lady in that one animated movie had the right idea." Shouto stifles another laugh.

" _No capes!_ " Uraraka shouts at the obvious prompt.

"I think it's aesthetically pleasing, kero." Tsuyu croaks in mock sadness. "But I suppose it is a safety hazard."

"Too many places you can get caught." Izuku ponders, resting a finger on his chin thoughtfully, but with a smile playing at his lips nonetheless.

"A true hero considers every factor, including the functionality of their costume. I agree with Uraraka-kun, capes should be avoided, no matter how aesthetically pleasing." Iida concludes, speech punctuated by his colourful hand gestures.

They all break into playful laughter except for the class president, who looks at them at a complete loss, clearly not understanding the reference. For once, Shouto isn't the one being left out of the joke, though he supposes he has Izuku to thank for that. There are a lot of things he owes Izuku gratitude for, starting with all the friends smiling along with him in that very moment. His chest warms as he takes it all in and, for a moment, wonders who is really celebrating what.

Their conversation is interrupted by everyone chanting at the arrival of the long-awaited cake, Izuku's eyes lighting up even further as soon as they lay on it.

"Chocolate…" He sighs dreamily, already looking like he's ready to drool all over it.

Shouto snorts when he notices the words below the candles, a bold 'Happy birthday Mini Might' that no one doubts is Uraraka's doing. To absolutely no one's surprise, Izuku blushes the whole time they sing for him, scratching at his cheek as he shifts awkwardly from one foot to another before giving up altogether and just hiding his face in Shouto's chest. Delighted, he just holds Izuku tight, closing his eyes to savour the moment until he has to let go so his boyfriend can turn back to the cake.

Ashido and Uraraka squeal as he blows out the candles, yelling for him to make a wish as he does.

"Come on, come on! Tell us what you wished for!" Uraraka demands, tugging him away from Shouto to take both of his hands in hers.

With a small laugh, Izuku looks back at Shouto, his eyes softening and filling with the purest love and admiration. Shouto's heart jumps to his throat, his breath hitching at that glance as his boyfriend flashes him the most tender smile, pouring all of his emotions into it and looking down at his feet as a bright pink flush crawls to his freckled cheeks, suddenly bashful. He fidgets with the hem of his shirt, his lips trembling slightly as he lets the words turn over inside his head.

"I can't tell you that… If I do, it won't come true." He finally breathes out, lifting his head to stare back at Shouto, and their eyes meet once again. "And I really want it to come true…"

There's a lump in his throat and Shouto swallows around it, feeling his own cheeks heat up at the sight, overwhelmed with emotions he can't quite make out as they run wild inside him. _I love him so much._

"Cake time!"

Hagakure shouts, shattering the moment into a million pieces as everyone starts stuffing their faces with cake, but Izuku smiles at him fondly and closes the short distance between them, hugging him one last time before they get a slice of their own. Shouto pretends not to notice Izuku sneaking forkfuls from his own slice when he thinks he isn't looking, not caring that he hardly gets two bites when he sees Izuku's satisfied grin. It's all worth it for that look of unadulterated joy as he sighs at the sweetness and enjoys every single second, crying as soon as it's over and there's no cake left for him to get seconds (or thirds).

"Yo, Kami, you getting the Switch?" Kirishima shouts from across the room with a toothy grin.

"You know it!"

When Kaminari starts setting up his gaming consoles, Shouto somehow feels an impending sense of doom settling over him and starts considering disappearing for a while. Plans of escape foiled, Izuku drags him in front of the TV before he can even think of an excuse not to play anything. He looks at him with those large green eyes, pursing his lips at him and looking like a begging kitten, and Shouto regrets every decision he's made up until that point.

 _Just Dance_ will forever be the bane of his existence, and that game will haunt him for the rest of his life.

First and foremost, Shouto _cannot dance_. He's absolutely terrible at it. He'd never told anyone, but at the culture festival, even if he suggested a dance party himself, he was beyond relieved when the others assigned him to the staging crew. He would've lived through being in the band, he knew his way around a keyboard despite not having touched a piano for quite some time, but _dancing_? Shouto is pretty sure that he'd manage to even screw up _Capoeira_ and his old man had made sure he was well versed in all kinds of fighting styles. One would think he would have some sort of coordination but no, he had been cursed with two left feet.

Now, if this was done in private, Shouto would've been fine with it. Izuku is allowed to bear witness to every awkward part of him. The thing is, their whole class was watching and they all had their phones out. The only way he will ever be allowed to forget that one time he twerked along with a neon orange reindeer to a song called _Make it Jingle_ is if he leaves the country and changes identities, disappearing off the face of the earth without a trace. _Well, at least Izuku had fun._

But still.

He pants as he leans on his knees – that routine is a surprisingly tiring workout – and glares over at his equally breathless boyfriend.

"I hear they're looking for people to colonise Mars. Sorry Izuku, it was nice meeting you, but I'm off to space."

Izuku smirks, shoving him to the point he falls onto his side. He doesn't make an effort to get back up, just turning onto his back and continuing to catch his breath as the other kneels by his side.

"Like you'd be able to live without me. Or did you forget all the promises we made each other?"

"Don't use that against me. That's a cheap shot. I hate you."

"I love you too, Shoucchan~" A delighted giggle tips from Izuku's lips and Shouto tries not to fall in love even further. Needless to say, he doesn't do a very good job.

"I hate you so much." His mouth stretches into a smile so wide that it almost hurts but he doesn't care one bit.

"Get a fucking room!"

Bakugou's disgusted shout pulls them out of the little bubble they've created, separating them from the rest of the world, and Shouto feels tempted to flip him off. To his shock, Izuku actually does it first, moving to plant a kiss right on his lips before pulling them both back to their feet with a hearty laugh when Bakugou starts setting off explosions. Shouto hardly has any time to react before Izuku is picking him up off the floor and carrying him over couches and jumping past tables while their angry classmate chases them down as everyone else ignores them.

 _Just a regular Sunday, I suppose._

Shouto's heart stutters as the scene unfolds, resigning himself to just let it play out as an unexpected pawn. Eventually, Bakugou either tires out or is held back by one of the others, Shouto isn't really sure, too busy rolling across the floor along with Izuku when he trips on something and they come tumbling down together. His boyfriend's little melodic chuckles fill him with glee and he could listen to those sounds forever, make them his ringtone, his notification alerts and his alarm.

Suddenly, Shouto is struck by the thought of waking up to the sound of Izuku's voice in his ear every morning, to Izuku's lips on his forehead or on his own mouth, and he feels his face heating up along with his chest. He hopes to have that in his future, to share a space with him and just _be_ with him, surround himself with everything Izuku has to offer and just feel _at home_ with him.

Sitting up, he pulls Izuku into his arms and holds him tightly, never wanting to let go and wishing with every fibre of his being that he could have that future now. Izuku stares up at him with a curious tilt of his head.

"Shouto? Everything okay?"

"Yeah… you're beautiful, you know that?" Izuku blushes and Shouto gets lost in those pools of jade, the very stars that guide him towards safety.

His mind drifts back to his room at that but he forces himself to sit patiently through the rest of the small party until their classmates start to trickle out one by one. In the end, they still have exams to study for, despite how welcome the distraction of Izuku's birthday really was. With Uraraka, Iida and Tsuyu's help, they all carry Izuku's gifts over to his room, the three of them giving him one last hug before going to get their last-minute studying done as well.

Shouto kicks at the air for a moment, feeling shy as he scratches at the back of his neck and considers his next move. _Better to just get to the point._

"Will you come to my room, Izuku? I still haven't given you your gift."

The corners of Izuku's mouth pull up further. "I thought this was it."

"Well… Not all of it…"

"Alright, then, lead the way." he offers him a hand and Shouto takes it with a nervous smile.

Izuku clings to his right arm as they walk up to the elevator together. The closer they get to the fifth floor, the more butterflies spawn in his stomach. Shouto wonders if Izuku will actually like his gift. He'd spent so long trying to think of the perfect one, asking his friends, his mother, even going as far as going to Izuku's own mother for advice. He wanted to get him something special, something heartfelt, not just another piece of All Might merch, even if he would love it anyway along with all the others he was likely to get.

Shouto wanted to give him something personal, something that would stand out as 'from me to you', but he didn't have the talent or creativity to make something himself.

None of the suggestions he got from the others or from the internet seemed to be quite enough, didn't have that little detail that elevated the gift into something truly meaningful or otherwise lacked permanence, and he was getting more and more desperate as the days passed. By some sort of miracle, he ended up stumbling upon something in his many searches, something unique and unlike anything the others had told him to get, something that Shouto felt like Izuku deserved. At that moment he had thought it was perfect, but now, as he opened the door to his room and stalked over to his closet to pull out a box, he wasn't so sure anymore.

For the longest time, he just stood there, riddled with insecurities, scared that Izuku might not like it at all.

"This is dumb…" He finds himself mumbling, gnawing at the inside of his cheek.

Izuku closes the distance between them, hugging him from behind and kissing him between his shoulder blades. "Nothing from you can be dumb, Shouto… I will love it, I promise."

Swallowing down his nervousness, Shouto turns around to face him, forcing his gaze to stay on him rather than dart all around the room. He focuses on his eyes, on those beacons of hope in his life, the eyes that always see right through him, through thick and thin, and aren't afraid to love him, even the ugliest parts of him. Shouto takes a deep breath and feels his mouth run a little dry, finally handing the box to Izuku and letting him open it to reveal the pretty piece of paper inside.

 _Star Certificate_ , it reads, a star somewhere in their sky shining with the light of Izuku's name.

Finally losing most of his nerve, Shouto looks away, rubbing at the back of his neck as he explains himself even though he is struggling not to stumble through his words.

"W-whenever I look at you I see stars in every sense. You make me see stars because you make my head spin. I see them shining i-in your eyes when you look at me, brighter than any simple dot in the night sky. A-and I see constellations in your freckles…" He pauses suddenly feeling warm all over. "I've lost count of the times I've connected them all, making every shape imaginable and falling more in love with every single one. Plus, I thought that you deserve a star in the sky of your very own… So, I thought it was only fitting…"

Shouto can't bring himself to look up from his feet, waiting for Izuku to say something, _anything_. The longer he stays quiet, the heavier his doubts grow, slowly crushing him beneath their weight and making him feel a little nauseous. His stomach twists into knots and his heart clenches painfully, feeling the silence stretching him thin.

"S-sorry, I said it was dumb."

A harsh hiccup snaps his attention to Izuku's face and seeing it stained with tears rolling fat down his cheeks. For a second he thinks he's really screwed up but all of the uncertainties melt away when he sees the wide smile brightening up his expression, the wonderful look of adoration in those viridian eyes, and Shouto keeps falling more and more in love.

Careful not to wrinkle the certificate, Izuku throws his arms around Shouto's shoulders, staining his shirt with his overflowing tears as he laughs happily against his neck.

"Thank you, it's the best gift ever… I love it… I love you…"

Shouto doesn't waste a single moment to wrap him up in a tight embrace of his own, nuzzling his hair and blissfully breathing him in, their exams forgotten as he just enjoys Izuku's warmth and basks in his love. He feels at peace, safe and cared for, here in his arms, and he never wants to let go. A life spent in Izuku's presence is the only one he can see himself living anymore, the promise of forever holding on to this feeling grounding him to a world of light he never thought he'd be a part of. Izuku is his very own star, and he doesn't need a certificate for that.

"I love you too."

 **Note: The _Just Dance_ song they danced to can be found on my profile lol**


End file.
